or "Three Things I Hate About You"
Life with Kozo is self-indulgent blather about
the Webmaster and the various goings-on which constitute that
which he calls his life. It's not gospel of any sort, nor
is it meant to have an importance beyond the usual ones and
zeros which make up the zippy information superhighway. It's
just good, clean fun which hopefully does not require profanity
or civil lawsuits.
That said, we have something
important to discuss here. LoveHKFilm.com
is approachingor has already achievedthree milestones
of varying importance. We'll announce them from most important
to least important, and make appropriate comments along the
MILESTONE #1: LoveHKFilm
is one year old.
The specific timeframe is unknown.
Given the fact that both the webhosting and domain names for
required renewing, we've realized the truth: it's now been
one year since the whole LoveHKFilm.com
thing came about. We shudder at what has transpired since.
The reasons for creating this
site have been bandied about in numerous places, and I usually
use the opportunities for whatever snarky remark comes to
mind. In truth, I created this website because I could. Thanks
to the magic of downsizing, I had plenty of time on my hands,
and lots of film reviews (and Ekin Cheng jokes) stored up.
It was a no-brainer.
Now one year later, I sit back
and marvel at what has occurred: absolutely nothing. I still
am out of work, and I still make Ekin Cheng jokes.
Okay, I'm kidding. I sort of have
work (or will have it), and the site has gone from nothing
to the 753rd most popular Hong Kong Cinema website on the
World Wide Web, which is more a guess than an actual statistic.
As such, I feel pretty good about it. I've met people and
have many people to thank, including all the site reviewers,
my parents, and the guy who dropped his wallet containing
$500 in unmarked bills. My gratitude is bottomless.
But, I would mostly like to
thank the readers, who have ranged from blindly complimentary
to just plain mean. On some level, I realize that this site
does some good in that it gives back to the online Hong Kong
Cinema community. My personal interest would not be where
it is now if it weren't for Ryan Law, Joseph Fierro, Jerry
Chan, Sanney Leung, Shelly Kracier, Laura Irvine, Tim Youngs,
Brian Nass, Yvonne Teh and many other fine people who I can't
possibly begin to mention.
The above people have done untold
good for a guy like me. The online resources created by others
were integral in fostering whatever interest I had in HK Film.
Now I can hopefully do the same for someone else. And hopefully
that person can take over LoveHKFilm.com
and allow me to pursue my true dream...to be a lumberjack!
But there should be other thanks
too. Lee Wong deserves a great deal as the site's first reviewer
and best cheerleader. And in some ways we should also thank
LaserLand Home Theater. If it weren't for LaserLand Home Theater
and their decision to release the Webmaster from five years
of indentured servitude, there would not be a LoveHKFilm.com.
And, if it weren't for the terrible office politics and bad
blood which accompanied the loss of employment, the Webmaster
would not have his keen sense of bitterness and/or humor.
Well, maybe that's not entirely
true, but the fan of LoveHKFilm.com
should thank LaserLand Home Theater, because if they hadn't
gotten rid of me, I wouldn't have had the time to create this
site. So, if you can, please thank them.
However, on a related note,
please consider carefully when deciding what to do with your
MILESTONE #2: LoveHKFilm.com
is nearing the 900 review mark.
At last count, we were at 897
reviews, but that figure is the review count. If were
were to count the intro for Battle
Royale, we could say we have 898 reviews. And, if we included
the two which consisted of only one sentence (The
Killer and Crouching
Tiger Hidden Dragon), we could say that we have 900 reviews
already. Yes, this is just like how Hollywood reports their
In actuality, there are only 881
films reviewed on this site, which means just that: 881 films
reviewed and counting. The "897 reviews" figure
is totally true, but also misleading. We apologize if this
knowledge upsets anyone. Really.
However, that may not be enough.
If you feel we have deceived you to the point of emotional
damage, we will settle with you right after that silly McDonald's
class action lawsuit gets taken care off. If somebody out
there can prove that it's McDonald's fault that they're overweight,
then somebody can probably hold us accountable for having
only 881 films reviewed instead of the 897 they thought we
Otherwise, look forward to review
number 1000. And probably 1012, after which I'll sell my shares
and launch a new website on the wit and wisdom of Ekin Cheng.
Chances are I'll get far more traffic, as well as real money
for my troubles. Hell, Ekin Cheng may even speak to me again.
MILESTONE #3: As of today,
February 21st, 2003, the Webmaster is thirty years old.
Yes, thirty years ago I was
born somewhere in upstate New York. In that time, I have seen
numerous films, be they Hong Kong or not, and I have been
witness to the glorious occasion that was Garbage Pail
Kids: The Movie. I've also traveled to numerous countries,
attended a total of four colleges, sampled at least eight
different types of curry, and had the indignity of having
my contact lens shatter in my eye. In Alaska, no less. If
that's not a story to tell, what is?
I've also seen my favorite baseball
player get banned for gambling on the sport, and my favorite
basketball player get suspended for choking his coach. I would
have a favorite football player, but given my track record
I'm afraid the guy will make like Billy Blanks in The Last
Boy Scout and use a 9mm to score a touchdown. And if I
had a favorite hockey player we could be witness to the first
I've also had numerous people
fall in and out of my life. Some of the circumstances I regret,
some I don't. Some I laugh at because they were incredibly
silly, and some I'm saddened by because they were incredibly
stupid. On a barely-related note, there was a time in Hong
Kong where I had my first and only experience with love at
first sight. The girl was my waitress at the Hard Rock Cafe.
Coincidentally, I ran into her two hours later at a VCD store
in Tsimshatsui. Not coincidentally, I went back to the Hard
Rock Cafe two days later. Happily and seemingly by her design,
she was again my waitress. Sadly, I did nothing.
But, turning thirty doesn't
really bother me like I thought it would. Perhaps it's because
I have no doubt that my thirties will be much better than
my twenties. I now know more about what I wish to do with
my life, and about who I might actually be. I also know who
I would like to associate with, and who I wouldn't. I know
what I might like to find in someone else, and hopefully what
someone else might like to find in me. And I know the locations
of all 100 hidden packages in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.
And I know what type of movies
I love, which at this point still appears to be Hong Kong
So, I would ask the loyal reader
to look forward to the next year of LoveHKFilm.com,
and the next 900 reviews.
And, I would ask any friends of mine to look forward to the
next thirty years. Of course, at that time running LoveHKFilm.com
will probably be the farthest thing from my mind, but hopefully
some of the people I know now won't be.
And hopefully I'll still love
Hong Kong film.