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Life with Kozo - November 22nd, 2004
"The Celebrity Edition II "*
This new edition of Life with Kozo will feature testimonials from a number of noted individuals,
instead of the usual unchecked rambling from the Webmaster.

Why can't Kozo review more movies?
"His output has gone down recently, and I've been worried. I called him just the other day, and he started puking over the phone. I asked why he was sick, and he said that he just saw A Wedding or a Funeral. But I'm sure it's just the flu."
- Sam Lee
"If you work too much, the quality of your work suffers. I'm the exception, since I can work so much and still turn out quality stuff. Yes, I made The Wesley's Mysterious File. Why do you ask?" - Andy Lau
What's up with that job Kozo had in LA?
"I'm in Los Angeles right now, and I've never heard of any 'Kozo'. If he's not rich and famous, then he must be nobody. My time is precious, and I have no time for nobodies. I'm a pretty, pretty princess."
- Zhang Ziyi
"Kozo's mistake was taking a family job. Employment through family connections always ends in bitterness and tears. Everyone involved is usually a fool for thinking it'll work. I'll never make that mistake!"
- Jaycee Fong
What new job should Kozo take?
"He needs to concentrate on his proven skills, and not try to do things he can't do. Kozo never should have tried being a game designer, or a professional wrestler. Similarly, I shouldn't try acting." - Kelly Chen
"He should consider a career in the entertainment industry! You don't need any talent to become a star! I think I heard that somewhere."
- William Hung
What are Kozo's other plans?
"I hear rumors that Kozo might be moving to Hong Kong. It would be good because he'd be able to see the latest Hong Kong movies. He'll also be closer to me, but that would be a violation of the restraining order." - Sammi Cheng
"I dunno about moving to Hong Kong. If Kozo does that I'd have to kick his ass for always making fun of me and my friends. He'll never know it was me because of this cool mask."
- Nicholas Tse
What's up with Kozo's social life?
"Yo, I can't trip on ya about Kozo! That fool don't know what fo shizzle. Ed is hawt, so that dawg can't touch none of Ed. I got the skillz! Boo yah! What's that? Yes, I'm speaking English."
- Edison Chen
"The problem is he doesn't get out there enough. He should use one of those Internet dating things, like or Friendster! Then he could meet someone really cute—though probably not as cute as me! I'm just so adorable!"
- Karena Lam
Does Kozo like his readers at all?
"I don't know, but I don't care for his readers at all! Too many of them keep asking Kozo how to contact me. I got sick of it after the thirtieth phone call! Do you know how much a restraining order costs? You should see my legal bills."
- Shu Qi
"I would hope so. Without readers, his site would be like one of those trees that fall in the forest that nobody hears...or something. I'm not totally sure how that saying goes, but I could care less. I'm on vacation!"
- Candy Lo
Why is Kozo so mean to celebrities?
"Candy Lo invited me to go on vacation with her, but I was afraid the extra UV would totally mess up my tan. Without my tan, I'm nothing. Nothing, I tell you! Oh, I don't think Kozo is mean to celebrities at all."
- Louis Koo
"Most celebrities deserve it, like that Andy Lau guy, or the other Tony Leung! My acting skills totally wipe the floor with theirs! It's almost embarrassing. I may take a year off to even the playing field."
- Tony Leung Chiu-Wai
How is Kozo doing?
"I'm really worried about him. He hasn't made fun of me in weeks. It's amazing...I used to see jokes about me every week on that site of his. Recently, it's been nothing. I think he's dead."
- Ekin Cheng

"I wish I knew, but I'm more worried about myself! Even though I have fanboys drooling over me everywhere, I still can't find work! I thought Naked Poison would make me hot, but so far nothing. Maybe I should reveal points." - Anya

Is Kozo thinking of quitting again?
"I sure hope so! He's always picking on celebrities like me and my buddies! It would be awesome! If he quits, I'll celebrate by keeping my next meal down!"
- Cecilia Cheung
"I hope not. Quitting sends a bad message about giving up. Look at me: I could quit after my troubles with the law, but I won't let that stop me! I plan to keep acting AND using. I hope Kozo does the same."
- Cherrie Ying
Does Kozo still like Sammi Cheng?
"I hope not! It's annoying for me because I get spillover from all his Sammi fandom. One time he gave me a really nice gift, but when he found out I wasn't Sammi, he knocked me over, grabbed it, and ran away! That bastard!"
- Miram Yeung
"I hope he doesn't like Sammi anymore, because then he could move onto someone like me! I know he's called me annoying and insufferable before, but I'm hoping my new look will change things! I hear he's a big 'Star Trek' fan!"
- Charlene Choi
Why won't Kozo answer my e-mails?
"Unknown. I've e-mailed him repeatedly to ask him to attend my Starfleet Graduation, but he won't respond. I find this really illogical. I may have to violate the Prime Directive to get to the bottom of this." - Gillian Chung
"Kozo has no excuses for not answering e-mail! He's not busy like I am! I run a country, chase terrorists, and am currently responsible for a surge of immigration into Canada! All he does is run a website!"
- George W. Bush
Why won't Kozo listen to my needs?
"I wish I knew, but he never talks to me anymore. Everytime I see him, he screams 'Buckwheat' and runs away! He did that last year, too. Was it something I said?" - Maggie Cheung

"I'm with Maggie! Kozo called me 'Velcro Head' the last time I saw him, and completely ignored my concerns. He also makes fun of my concert outfits, and picks on my buddy Ekin. I'm getting Cecilia Cheung to kick his ass!"
- Jordan Chan

Why does Kozo hate so many movies?
"He seems bitter. Still, I'm disappointed that he gave a poor review to Leaving Me, Loving You. I thought it was better than the crap Aaron Kwok makes. Have you seen some of Kwok's movies? If you haven't, you're lucky!" - Leon Lai
"What Kozo has to learn is that Hong Kong movies are not about quality. What are they about then? Um...I'm not totally sure. It's definitely not quality! I mean, have you seen some my movies? If you haven't, you're lucky!"
- Aaron Kwok
Who does Kozo think he is anyway?
"If Kozo were beautiful like me, his attitude would be okay, but unfortunately he's not much to look at! I think he's just jealous because he can't wear leather pants as well as Ekin Cheng. Then again, who could?"
- Michelle Reis
"Just because he uses a Japanese name, he probably thinks he's better than all the regular Chinese. That sort of arrogance will get him in trouble. I should know...I've been beaten up twice since Friday."
- Takeshi Kaneshiro

*DISCLAIMER: the testimonials on this page were entirely made up. The reader is responsible
for what he or she chooses to believe. and its associated parties will bear no responsibility
for an individual's gullibility, even if that individual possesses obviously poor skills of perception. Copyright 2002-2017 Ross Chen