Moves to Hong Kong Q&A
or Restraining orders are unnecessary
the wake of the last Life with Kozo column,
Night and Day and the
Loss of Words, the LoveHKFilm.com
home office received numerous e-mails containing congratulations,
well-wishes, and the occasional "Stop yer bitching"
comments. Thankfully, comments were more congratulatory than
caustic, and were very appreciated by the Webmaster AKA Kozo
AKA Me. At the same time, many of the e-mails contained questions
pertaining to my upcoming move, and some questions got asked
by more than one reader. Even though this isn't really a FAQ,
I thought that a minor edition of Life with Kozo
might be a good idea to clarify certain things glossed over
and/or ignored in that last column. It also gives me more
excuses for snarky, inappropriate commentary, but that's a
given where this website is concerned.
I do hope to reply to all those e-mails
personally, though the actual carrying out of those plans
is not a guaranteed one. Nevertheless, I'll try my best, and
if a personalized response is slow in arriving, I apologize
in advance. Also, please note that if your e-mail was derogatory
or just plain mean, you will be bumped to the back of the
pack, if not ignored entirely. I would apologize for that,
but I probably wouldn't mean it.
Here we go:
- You're moving to Hong
Kong!!! What the hell are you whining about?
Once upon a time I was accepted into New York University.
At the time I was stoked beyond reason and thought the move
from the West Coast to the East Coast would be the greatest
thing to happen to meever. Well...I was wrong. Most
of the blame is obviously mine, since at the time I was
a snot-nosed teenager with the emotional maturity of a soggy
tissue. I guess the lesson thereaside from "stop
being a snot-nosed teenager"would be "try
to be realistic" or "hope for the best and prepare
for the worst". My whining = preparing for the worst.
My hoped-for best: complete domination of Hong Kong, with
an eye towards the rest of Asia. I figure it'll take me
two years to accomplish that.
- You can't speak Cantonese?
My parents are Taiwanese; ergo, they don't speak Cantonese.
Moreover, I'm atrocious at learning new languages, as my
reliance on stuff like irony, sarcasm, and pretentious wordplay
translates like crap. That said, I hope to actually learn
conversational Cantonese, though I doubt I'll ever be able
to fully understand Stephen Chow's earlier comedies. If
you think that means I'm not qualified to review Hong Kong
- You have thousands of
readers? Since when?
My assertion that I have "thousands" of readers
was maybe a little presumptuous. While site polls and correspondence
lead me to believe that the readership is close to the hundreds,
daily visitor totals are roughly 8000, with a monthly tally
of close to 250,000. Whether I can use that number to assume
"thousands" read the site every week is debatable,
especially since my knowledge of how the Internet works
is spotty at best. Maybe it's just people looking at pictures.
- Can we expect more "Kozo
in Hong Kong" movie location features after you move?
I would like to say "yes" automatically, but there
are issues: 1) Time. 2) Screencaps. I'm not dragging my
entire library of HK DVDs with me, so even if I find the
location of the "Riverdance" car crash pileup
from Para Para Sakura, I won't be able to provide
any backup. 3) Saturation. If you live in Hong Kong, you'll
know this: HK movie locations are EVERYWHERE. I may have
to start picking and choosing, or I could have a camera
permanently glued to my face. Besides, is the location where
Sammi Cheng lost her "love amulet" in Needing
You really a newsworthy event? Speaking of which, I
do have that photo, and it'll be featured on the site in
a future update.
- Can we expect more personally-themed,
expatriate-flavored "Life with Kozo" columns?
I suppose this is possible, and considering my penchant
for long-winded self-reflection, I'll certainly have the
material. The main reason I'd be afraid of turning Life
with Kozo into a regular blog is that people (presumably)
come to this site for film reviews, and not info about some
guy who insults their favorite stars. Sure, a few people
do enjoy the Life with Kozo columns, and I'm
grateful to hear from them. However, at this time, I believe
that "a few" is the operative term.
- I don't come to LoveHKFilm
to read about you! Why are you writing these long columns
when you could be writing more reviews?
- Which stars will you
None. The only reason I will ever follow a celebrity is
if they drop their wallet/purse and I happen to pick it
- Don't you want to meet
any Hong Kong celebrities?
I wouldn't particularly mind meeting any Hong Kong celebrities,
but I'd only want to do it if it made sense. I'm not going
to bother a celebrity for an autograph, or wait in line
for a glimpse of them. Basically, they're people too, so
if I bump into one in Hong Kong Park, I'm going to leave
them alone. If, for some reason, I get introduced to one,
I'll be glad to shake their handor, in the case of
Edison Chen, chuck my copy of Gen-Y Cops at his head.
Then I'll ask if he's "balling".
- Will you make an effort
to have a peace summit with Ekin Cheng?
If there is a celebrity I will make an effort to meet, it's
Ekin Cheng. I assume he's never heard of this site, nor
cares if he has. Either way, a photo of he and I together
would be the crowning achievement of LoveHKFilm.com.
If it ever happens, I'm going to close the site down immediately
and retire like Michael Jordan did after threepeating with
- Don't you think living
in Hong Kong will make you love its cinema even more?
I certainly hope so. However, the impression I get from
most Hong Kong people I've met is that the cinema is a distraction
at best, and an embarrassment at worst. What happens if
people start looking down on me for running such an elaborate
site about something so frivolous? If pretty girls scoff
at me for running the site, you can bet I'll rethink it's
value. Either that, or I'll make them pay for dinner.
- How did you get the YesAsia
job? Did you approach them or did they approach you?
They approached me. At one point, I might have considered
asking them for a job, but not for one in Hong Kong. Honestly,
I would never have actively pursued relocation, but once
it was offered, I thought about it seriously. Then I said,
"Why the hell not?" The rest is history.
- Now that you're an employee
of YesAsia, does that mean they own LoveHKFilm.com?
No, they don't own LoveHKFilm.com.
It still belongs to me, though the value of that will continue
to be debatable.
- What if you insult a
movie YesAsia is trying to sell? Is that now taboo?
Nope. Despite my job and the omnipresent YesAsia links,
will continue to insult as many films and filmmakers as
it possibly can. Of this, you have my solemn word.
- I live in the United
States. Can you tell YesAsia to sell me the Hong Kong version
of a film? Miramax can't stop them from doing that, can
Ugh. If any topic needed a whole series of columns about
it, this would be it. The debate about what can and cannot
be sold to the United States is a rather new one in this
time of the Internet and its unparalleled access to products
worldwide. Frankly, I'm all for allowing true fans to get
their hands on whatever products, but the territorial pissing
that goes on is something that may one day have to be settled
in a higher court of law. I can see why Miramax, Tartan,
Tai-Seng, or whoever might have a leg to stand on here,
but the biggest loser in this whole argument is the fans.
Repeat: the fans lose in this deal. I wish I could change
that, but at this time I have no clue how to.
- Can you get me a discount
on YesAsia products?
No. This has been the most frequently asked question since
I announced my new job, which means that it automatically
becomes the request that I will least likely fulfill.
- I want to move to Hong
Kong! Get me a job at YesAsia too!
Uh...this is not really within my power, though who knows?
If I fulfill my plan to take over Asia, I'll probably be
able to do this for you.
- I'm going to Hong Kong
in [insert month here]. Can you show me around when I visit?
Probably not. For one thing, I'm not the best person to
show people around town, as my experience is largely given
to urban areas and places with lots of McDonald's. For another
thing, I'll be working a day job, which makes trips around
town next to impossible. If you're planning on visiting
Hong Kong, I would be glad to perhaps give you a couple
of pointers, and even meet you for a cup of coffee. However,
don't expect me to do the heavy lifting. I will not go to
the airport to meet you.
- Do you plan on breaking
into the Hong Kong film industry?
My dream is to get dumped by one of the Twins in a Hong
Kong movie. Either that, or get killed by Roy Cheung in
a triad knife fight. Hey, if someone thinks I can offer
something to the Hong Kong film industry, they're welcome
to contact me, but I have neither the talent nor the charisma
to be a star. If you factor in looks, the possibility becomes
even less. I'd be game to try my hand at writing a screenplay,
but chances are nobody would want to make what I write.
After I kill off Edison Chen in the first reel, the producers
would fire me.
- Hey, your experience
moving to Hong Kong sounds like a great screenplay. Do you
think you'll write it one day?
I don't currently have plans to write a screenplay. My last
attempt at a screenplay was probably worse than Wong Jing's
work, though it was also written ten years ago. Currently
I'm more of a prose guy than a screenplay guy. Does this
mean my prose is better than my screenplay work? Absolutely
- Will you get involved
Only if I have to. I plan on avoiding eye contact with anyone
who has a tattoo, or wears leather pants. If they have a
tattoo AND wear leather pants then I plan on running away.
- How long do you think
it'll take before you get arrested for following Sammi Cheng?
This will never happen. If I follow Sammi Cheng it will
be because she dropped her wallet and I happened to pick
it up. However, I could get arrested anyway because that
would be a violation of the restraining order.
- Hey, maybe you'll find
Mrs. Kozo in Hong Kong. Whaddya think?
Um...this is a topic that probably could take at least a
couple of Life with Kozo columns, and if I
ever chose to write them I'm sure I would lose approximately
50% of my readers. I'd like to meet Mrs. Kozo period, but
my chances have never been great. And if I ever called her
Mrs. Kozo to her face, that would be the end of my chances.
-- Kozo, 1/10/2005