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Review
by Kozo: |
The saga of Ninja
Hattori-kun, a diminutive blue-clad ninja who
coined the ultra-cute catchphrase "Nin
nin!", is given the live-action treatment
in Nin x Nin: Ninja Hattori-kun The Movie.
Shingo Katori of popular Japanese band SMAP
stars as Hattori-kun, who's given the mandate
to head to Edo to ascertain the activities of
the rival ninja clan. The problem: Edo is now
Tokyo, and the fast-paced modern world is about
to get a taste of the delightfully sillyand
sometimes annoyingways of Hattori-kun.
Kids should go gaga over the antics of a bright
blue ninja in urban Tokyo. But will everyone
else?
Probably not,
though that won't stop some people. Anyone who's
surfed the Internet enough should know that
"Ninjas are sweet!" Oddly, this mantra
is enough to get people interested in Hattori,
who's more dippy than dangerous, and given to
silly overacting and just plain annoying antics.
As soon as Hattori gets to Tokyo, he chooses
his new lord: an outcast tyke by the name of
Kenichi (Yuri Chinen). Hattori has one big rule:
he can't be seen by anyone but his lord, and
if he is, then he must return to the wilderness.
After getting the kid to buy in, Hattori discovers
the joy of rice with mayonnaise, and even gives
Kenichi remedial ninja lessons.
Presumably, Kenichi
will use his new ninja skills to become coolerwhich
he does. However, instead of shuriken tossing
or killing a whole roomful of people at the
drop of a spoon, Kenichi uses the art of misdirection,
meaning he ditches his clothes in the bushes
and runs around the playground in his tighty-whities.
The strategy allows him to outwit his schoolmates
and his new teacher Kenmaki (Gori), but the
moment isn't given the irreverent South Park
treatment. Nope, director Masayuki Suzuki gives
Kenichi's underwear escapades loving slow-motion
coverage and even slops on the syrup with an
inspirational musical score. Yes, Kenichi does
triumph over his teacher Kenmakiwhich
is actually pretty cool because Kenmaki is a
ninja too (he's actually Hattori's former rival)but
seeing a kid run around the playground in his
underwear isn't very inspirational. It's just
disturbing.
Yet this is the
world of Masayuki Suzuki's Ninja Hattori-kun.
Suzuki previously directed GTO: The Movie,
which took a hilariously off-color anime and
manga and turned it into a cheesy inspirational
comedy-drama that was sometimes entertaining,
sometimes embarrassing, and sometimes just plain
bizarre. Nin x Nin is pretty much the
same, mixing droll comedy and deadpan silliness
with wannabe touching crap like Kenichi running
around in his underwear. Also in the supposedly
touching department: Kenichi and Hattori befriend
blind girl Midori, whose character is only notable
because she's played by Shiseido model Rena
Tanaka. She's cool to hang out with because
she can't see Hattori, and the three go on field
trips and pal around in a benign, totally uninteresting
manner. Shingo Katori mugs and overacts, and
everything is as harmless as a dead animal.
This movie isn't art, but it's not going to
kill you either.
Giving Nin
x Nin the "move along" signal
simply because it's harmless is probably being
too nice, but I'll do it anyway. This is likely
charming stuff for kids, who were the target
audience for the original Ninja Hattori-kun,
so it all works out in a same-demographic synergy
sort of way. Even when peril does arrive (all
sorts of ex-ninjas are being put into comas
by a mystery assailant), everything gets handled
without blood or any real sense of danger. Hattori
must zip to the rescue, and Shingo Katori attempts
to act serious with red swirls painted on his
cheeks. He actually succeeds, but Katori's thespian
prowess is ultimately neither here nor there.
This is silly stuff for kids, so acting, story,
plot, or direction are given much less weight.
That's great because if I did apply my full
critical authority (which was given to me by
nobody in particular), then there could be only
one word for Nin x Nin: crap.
Still, I'm not
going to go ballistic on this movie, if only
because it'd take too much energy. I could rip
on Nin x Nin: Ninja Hattori-kun for being
lame and childish, but that's because I'm an
adult who expects ninjas to disembowel peopleor
at least kill them silently via poison or cool
stealth tactics. None of that can happen in
a kid's movie, so if I actually expected it
then I can only blame myself. Liking this movie
is a relative experience. If I were a kid, I
might have judged Ninja Hattori-kun to
be "sweet." But I'm not a kid, so
I didn't. (Kozo 2005)
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