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Future Cops
Year: 1993 "Sorry, you're trapped in this theater until the movie ends.""You kill the director, I'll get the producer."
"Someday I will be Hong Kong's greatest actor.""This movie made me sterile!""You don't want to know where this finger has been!"
"I hope they let us keep these costumes."


Notes:

A list of each actor and the "Street Fighter" character they slay...er, play.

Andy Lau - Vega
Jacky Cheung - Guile
Aaron Kwok - Ryu
Simon Yam - Dhalsim
Ekin Cheng - Ken
Chingmy Yau - Chun Li
Richard Ng - Blanka
Billy Chow - Sagat
Ken Lo - M. Bison
Tuan Wai-Lun - Honda
Yuen King-Tan - Chun Li's mom
Dicky Cheung - Goku from Dragonball
The Audience - Out seven bucks


Availability:


DVD (Hong Kong)
Region 0 NTSC
Universe Laser
Widescreen
Cantonese and Mandarin Language Tracks
Removable English and Chinese Subtitles

Director: Wong Jing
Action: Ching Siu-Tung
Cast: Andy Lau Tak-Wah, Ekin Cheng Yee-Kin, Jacky Cheung Hok-Yau, Simon Yam Tat-Wah, Chingmy Yau Suk-Ching, Dicky Cheung Wai-Kin, Andy Hui Chi-On, Charlie Young Choi-Nei, Yuen King-Tan, Winnie Lau Siu-Wai, Richard Ng Yiu-Hon, Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing, Chan Bak-Cheung, Billy Chow Bei-Lei, Ken Lo Wai-Kwong, Dennis Chan Kwok-San, Lee Siu-Kei, Tuan Wai-Lun
The Skinny: Calling this film bad would be an insult to actual bad movies. Further proof that the concept behind the "Street Fighter" video game will never make a good movie. Also further proof that Wong Jing should be incarcerated.
Review
by Kozo:

     If the Surgeon General ever felt like outlawing films for their harmful side-effects, then he should start with Wong Jing's Future Cops. This shameless rip-off of the "Street Fighter" video game is so egregiously bad that it could cause untold scarring to those not forewarned. It's understandable that audiences may want to give this flick a try. After all, it's based on a world famous video game and has more Hong Kong megastars than an issue of East Weekly. Still, despite that - or maybe even because of it - Future Cops seems destined for the Cinema Hall of Shame™.
     For the record, here's the plot: the Future Cops (Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung, Simon Yam and Aaron Kwok) are hot on the tail of the evil bad guys, who are intent on freeing their boss Ken Lo Wai-Kwong. However, said bad guys (led by Ekin Cheng and Billy Chow) hightail it into the past. Their goal: to brainwash future judge Yu Tin-Hung, who will one day sentence their boss. They figure to get to the guy while he's in high school, but can't figure out who he is. The Future Cops decide to chase them, but run into the same problem. If they can't find Yu Tin-Hung, how can they help him?
     So here's the solution: they go undercover. Jacky Cheung disguises himself as a high school teacher, hits on student Winnie Lau Siu-Wai, and breaks into song in the middle of class. Andy Lau pretends to be a student, meaning lots of humor ripped off from Fight Back to School, as well as a romance with Chingmy Yau, who's also supposed to be a high school student. And Simon Yam pretends to be Dicky Cheung's servant to help Cheung fight off the evil bullies who torture the girly-man. They also act silly, engage in extremely random and mostly unfunny comedy, and generally make life hell for the legions of paying consumers who would salivate at the chance to see Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung, Aaron Kwok, Ekin Cheng, Chingmy Yau, Charlie Young and many more superstars in one single film. Those people got their chance with this film. And, as they may have discovered already, the chance was a wasted one.
     Dead flies have more going for them than the stinking carcass that is Future Cops. Sure, there's some amusing action in the beginning (courtesy of Ching Siu-Tung), but the novelty wears off pretty damn soon. After that, there's an action embargo for the next hour as the school shtick and puerile situation comedy rule the screen. Cutting your toenails with a dull x-acto knife would be a hell of a lot more exciting than this "comedy." Think about it this way: somebody actually said, "Hey, let's make a 'Street Fighter' movie! We'll cast big stars! And they'll all go undercover in high school and harass the students!" Whose bizarre fever dream was this?
     To be fair, there is some kitsch value in how incredibly messed up Future Cops is. It's so bad, that it could almost be fun. However, for the film to be fun, you need an audience of twenty people, plenty of booze, and an extra TV in case someone destroys your present one in a blind rage. This was simply a bad idea, which is no surprise since Wong Jing was involved. You'd think that some of the stars would have some restraint, but maybe they had bills to pay, or blackmail demands which required the making of a video game movie littered with Dragonball references and other movie parodies. Or they could simply have been on crack. Regardless, the combined synergy of many talented (and untalented) people were able to give us this movie, which surprisingly enough, did not singlehandedly destroy the Hong Kong film industry. Normally I'm not given to hyperbole, but there are times when I refer to Future Cops as THE WORST FILM EVER MADE. I'm sure there are people who disagree with me, and consider the film a guilty pleasure which can be mindless entertaining fun. Well, if you're one of those people, then good for you! I hope never to meet you. (Kozo 1996/2003)

images courtesy of Universe Laser & Video Co., Ltd.

   
   
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