Aaaaaaaad, we’re back. These toys in my living room say “Hi”:

Clearly, my toy collection kicks ass

Anyway, the Hong Kong Asian Film Festival is now over. During that 17-day period I consumed 18 movies, 5 short films, 2 regular theatrical releases and plenty of bad food. Amazingly, I did not get sick, though I do recall nodding off during my screening of 881.

 
Hokkien musicals put this cat to sleep, too

This year’s movies at the Hong Kong Asian Film Festival ranged from underwhelming to pretty damn good, with the overall quality tipping towards the “good” portion of the scale. As always, reviews of some (though not all) of the films will be forthcoming on LoveHKFilm.com. Since I’m actually managing to stick to my “800 words or less” mandate on the new reviews, I may be able to increase my output. The gun to my head also ensures that I follow the rules.

Anthony Wong disapproves of lengthy reviews

Here’s a list of films that I saw - not that the titles themselves necessarily mean anything to anyone. If there’s a review on LoveHKFilm.com, I’ve linked to it. If the review is well-written and fair, then it was written by either Kevin Ma or Sanjuro. If you wish for extra info on any of the films, please feel free to check out the official website. I helped with a couple of the catalog blurbs this year, so this notice also qualifies as minor self-promotion.

Movies I saw at the fest:

Miao Miao
True Women For Sale
Claustrophobia
Dada’s Dance
Some Like It Hot
Ticket
Parking
The Sky Crawlers
Tokyo!
Dream
881
12 Lotus
The Magic Hour
Cape No. 7
What on Earth Have I Done Wrong?!
Ikigami: The Ultimate Limit
After School
The Equation of Love & Death

Plus some Short Films:

Mr. Right
Family Viewing
Summer Afternoon
Young Blood
Mine

In between all the screenings, I saw two regular Hong Kong films, THE VAMPIRE WHO ADMIRES ME and WUSHU, both of which will see reviews on the site soon. WUSHU is supposed to be a Hong Kong film, but plays more like a China film, in that it uses China-centric actors, sets, locations, language, and probably undergarments. The line between HK and China cinema is so incredibly blurred nowadays that it is impossible for me to classify anything on this website, much less for LoveHKFilm.com’s yearly important-to-only-four-people LoveHKFilm Awards. I figure when we run them again this year, I’ll simply draw up a list and thumb my nose at any film that doesn’t make the cut.

I think this year, Donnie Yen should be up for a few awards. Besides his “acting” in EMPRESS AND THE WARRIORS and PAINTED SKIN, he could win something for his cool parenting skills:

Donnie Yen and his daughter were caught
off guard by Po, who proceeded to maul them indiscriminately

Looking forward, November brings the theatrical release of many of the fest’s featured titles. Hong Kong films will be rather sparse, though. Maybe we’ll finally see the release of Media Asia’s big gun, the Sammi Cheng-Eason Chan starrer LADY COP AND PAPA CROOK, but who knows if that’ll actually happen. The film looks like a pop thriller, and not like much of a comedy, but it’s directed by the duo of Alan Mak and Felix Chong, so anticipation is high.

Sammi + Eason should equal box office.
If not then Hong Kong Cinema really is in hell.

Also in November, we’ll be getting BALLISTIC, the Taiwan-set political thriller from director Lawrence Lau and CHAMPIONS, the Tsui Siu-Ming-directed action film starring Dicky Cheung. The trailer for CHAMPIONS looks action-heavy, and yet it also features the line of dialogue, “I must compete in the Olympic games!”, which is shouted by someone while they’re righteously shaking their fist. I predict laughs all around in the theater.

If you can name 2 people on this poster,
you deserve a prize

Finally, on the 27th, we’ll be getting THE BEAST STALKER, directed by Dante Lam of the lost-in-limbo Edison Chen film SNIPER. Nicholas Tse, Nick Cheung, and Zhang Jingchu star. I have seen neither a trailer nor heard any buzz, so I have no irresponsible, off-the-cuff comments to make.

Sorry, this photo is small

There’s probably another Hong Kong film or two heading our way in November, and if so I’ll try to mention it here. I will leave the monthly blog post with some photos taken at the fest. Please note that I was standing next to the person taking this photo, meaning I was only four feet from the subject in question:

“My spider-sense is tingling…like someone horrible
and absolutely evil is standing four feet from me…”

A suggestion was made that I actually attempt to “photo stalk”, meaning insert myself somewhere nearby in an attempt to go for an impromptu “Me and Ekin Cheng” photo opportunity. I declined, however, because my HKAFF Festival Pass was a privilege, and not an excuse to behave like some sort of annoying groupie.

Besides, if I had to photo stalk someone at the fest, it would be this person instead.

Who doesn’t love Karena Lam?
Not so sure about the dress, though

Also, if I had really found a way to take a photo wth Ekin Cheng, I probably would have discovered first-hand what a swell and wonderful human being he is, thereby causing waves of guilt for all the crap he receives on LoveHKFilm.com. Afterwards, I would probably be honor-bound to close down this site once and for all because of the disservice it does to Ekin and humanity in general.

By the way, next week is the 2008 Presidential Election, so please go out and vote next Tuesday. If you can’t vote, you can at least root for the candidate most suitable to lead the free world. You all know who that is:

Anpanman Prime says, “Bye”.

“Damn you, Megatron!”

Wow, I actually updated this blog four times this month. It’s all because The Golden Rock has been too busy to blog reguarly. Once he returns full time, I will disappear for at least a month.

In case anyone cares, The Golden Rock is busy because of this thing:

Celebrate the Olympic spirit by letting
one of China’s mascots shoot you

Finally, Hong Kong movies are coming back to local cinemas, and like the gluttons for punishment that we are, LoveHKFilm.com will be there.

HK movies have been absent from local cinemas since the June 19th tag-team of City Without Baseball and Sparrow. Sure, there was Red Cliff and Kung Fu Hip-Hop, but neither were really Hong Kong movies. Hong Kong movies are movies starring local idols and character actors, and feature actual Hong Kong locations, Hong Kong-style pacing and wit, and probably some undue metaphor or existentialism. Donnie Yen is a plus, but he’s not a requirement.

Here’s Donnie talking to people who aren’t his mouth-breathing fans:

“I’m legendary, I tell you! Legendary!
Why won’t you morons believe me?”

Anyway, the seven-week embargo on Hong Kong films finally ended with the release of La Lingerie, which fits all the above requirements except for the one with Donnie Yen. Actual Hong Kong Cinema releases are still quiet throughout August, with only one confirmed release looming its semi-ugly head. It’s Forgive and Forget, the latest from Patrick Kong, the crazy auteur behind L For Love, L For Lies, Love is Not All Around, and Marriage with a Fool.

Scary hair never gets old

The movie stars the recently ubiquitous Andy On and Secret sweetheart Alice Tzeng, who is best described with the Zoolander phrase “She’s so hot right now.” Since it’s directed by Patrick Kong, it’s about relationships, and features melodrama and lots of crying. A twist ending is likely, too. Given the trailer, it also looks like it could be some sort of horror film - which makes it a wonder that the geek websites aren’t talking it up. Who knows, maybe it’ll be good enough for Tartan’s Asia Extreme line - that is, if Tartan were still around to have one.

You can check out the trailer here.

Patrick Kong isn’t through yet this year. It looks like he may have another film out, making it three for 2008. If so, that makes Patrick Kong the new Johnnie To - at least, as far as his output is concerned. Sadly, I just said that Patrick Kong is “the new Johnnie To”. I fully expect my quote to be taken out of context and placed on an Australian DVD release of Forgive and Forget. Of course, by then it’ll be retitled Bloody Twins or Follicles of Death or something like that. They’ll think of something.

Sadly, that’s the only Hong Kong film that I am certain will be released in August. There was some indication that Rebellion, the latest Herman Yau film starring Shawn “I appear in everything” Yue and Elanne “I will soon appear in everything” Kong, would also debut in August. However, that is, as yet, unconfirmed. At least, it’s been hard for me to confirm, what with my inability to read Chinese. Four years here and I can’t even ride the bus properly. It’s just sad.

Here’s Herman Yau leading a toast honoring Hong Kong film’s continuing survival:

“Yes! Hong Kong Cinema survives for one more day!”

If you need your Herman Yau fix now, there’s another option: pick up a copy of Chaos, which came out directly on DVD only a few days ago. I can’t tell you anything about this movie because I haven’t seen it, nor have I heard much about it. It stars former LoveHKFilm Award Winner Andrew Lin, plus Gordon Lam, Crystal Tin, and Charmaine Fong. It looks vaguely related to gangs and violence so we’ll watch it even if it’s a direct to DVD release. We would be insulting our geek credentials if we skipped a Hong Kong movie with gangs or violence. Hopefully it’ll be extreme.

Who knew about this film?

Also coming to DVD at the same time is Fate, one of those long-delayed Fortune Star HD films produced by Andrew Lau. Directed by Raymond Yip, who recently co-directed the Award-winning Warlords, the film stars Miki Yeung, Alan Kuo, and maybe one other guy whose name I can’t remember. This is a film that has been on the Fortune Star website since sometime in 2006, so who knows if it’s good or not?

I knew about this film,
but was not particularly looking forward to it

I’ll see it anyway because, well, it’s a Hong Kong movie, and as everyone knows, this site reviews Hong Kong movies. We do review films from other countries, but only because we have to feed the beast that is our Alexa ranking. That may not be enough motivation one day. Privately, I wonder when the site will have to shut down completely because there are no more Hong Kong films. Alternately, we could change our name to LoveChinaFilmBecauseChinaInstructsIt.com. If China really does instruct it, I’ll gladly comply because it’s the legal and reasonable thing to do. The AK-47 pointed at my head will also help in my decision making.

In 2012, this will be Kozo in a Hong Kong cinema

That’s it for this installment of Damn You, Movie News. Next time I’ll dish about movies coming to cinemas in September - a group which includes new flicks with Louis Koo, Ekin Cheng, Sammi Cheng (maybe, not clear on this yet), and - wait for it - DONNIE YEN! Hong Kong Cinema will surely be back then.

In the meantime, please watch the Olympics. Really, there’s stuff there you should definitely see, like that Michael Phelps guy. Also, where else can you see a fifty foot-tall Andy Lau? I’m thinking he did this to himself to make it easier to play to the cheap seats.

“I went Goliath for my fans!”

As long as Andy Lau is alive, Hong Kong film will never die.