Note: This blog expresses only the opinions of the blog owner, and does not represent the opinion of any organization or blog that is associated with Damn you, Kozo!.
It’s vacation time for LoveHKFilm.com - or at least, the person who runs it - so that means another 2 or 3 weeks of hand-wringing as we wonder if the site will ever get updated again. I’ll break the suspense by revealing that it will, indeed, get an update someday. After all, where else will I publish my review of KING OF SPY 2008?
This movie could be playing on You Tube right now
Also, Kevin Ma plans on reviewing Super Duper Communist Movie THE FOUNDING OF A REPUBLIC, which details the rise of Communism in the great country of China. I will not be around to see the movie, or I would review it myself. As has been noted on fine Internet publications, everyone who works at this site loves China. *whistles innocently*
Some photos from FOUNDING OF A REPUBLIC:
Donnie Yen and Vicki Zhao as a couple who celebrate
their 10th anniversary by joining the Communist Party
Eva Huang as the Cutest Member of the Communist Party™
Actually, what I’d really like to do is live blog the movie, so I can record the time that every single star appears. Such a list will surely help a ton of potential viewers who want to fast-forward through the film to see the stars (this is probably 80% of the Internet). Sadly, I don’t expect to see Huang Bo in the film, which is a travesty of cinema. Every film needs Huang Bo.
Huang Bo: making movies awesome since 2006
When I return from my trip, there will be a couple of new Hong Kong films on offer, namely the Herman Yau double feature SPLIT SECOND MURDER and REBELLION.
If you’re not Chinese and can name everyone
in this poster, you win a prize
The highlight of REBELLION: a leapfrog competition
The first is an idol-packed Halloween picture while the second is a long-in-the-can triad picture that was teased for release back in 2008. It’s sad the film actually didn’t get a release in 2008 since it stars Shawn Yue, who at this time last year was considered the Hardest Working Man in Hong Kong Cinema. The man had 10 features released in 2007 and 2008, and his only one so far this year will be a holdover from last year. What happened?
“People, hire me for your movies! I’ll work for food or tips.
Hell, I’ll work for you if you can recognize me on the street.”
When I return, the Hong Kong Asian Film Festival will be in full swing too. I may or may not review a slew of movies from it, as it’s been my recent pattern to only review Hong Kong films while carefully picking among the rest. I’d leave more to Kevin, but he’s a busy guy, what with school, his blog, the East-West Screen podcast and also his personal life. That he even visits LoveHKFilm.com must take precious minutes out of his day. He won’t get those minutes back either.
“Come on…who has time to waste at LoveHKFilm.com?”
Takeshi has a point. Anyway, here are my planned screenings at the HKAFF:
THE WARRIOR AND THE WOLF (with Joe Odagiri in attendance)
THIRST (with Park Chan-Wook in attendance)
INTO A DREAM LOVE EXPOSURE (again!)
CROWS ZERO 2
AIN’T NO TOMORROWS
BE SURE TO SHARE
AIR DOLL (with nobody in attendance)
KIMJONGILIA
BICYCLE SIGHS
HAZARD
FINDING HER
SUMMER WARS
DAD, HOW ARE YOU?
WHEAT (starring Fan Bing-Bing)
WEAVING GIRL (Starring Yu Nan and Guo Tao. Guo Tao!)
PASTRY
BEIJING IS COMING
COW (starring Huang Bo!)
AT THE END OF DAYBREAK
SEVEN 2 ONE (Directed by Danny Pang)
…plus maybe some short films and some Bollywood, if I can squeeze it in. You can check out the complete list on their just-launched website.
That’s quite a list, huh? If you’re going to the HKAFF and select these films for your viewing pleasure then you risk running into me. If I do see you, I promise not to spit on you, but besides that, everything is fair game.
“Ha ha, people spitting at me is nothing! I’m used to much worse!”
Let’s wrap up this obligatory September post with a look at Leon Lai’s last concert, entitled DREAM WEDDING. The concert occurred a couple of months ago, but I’m only blogging about it now. It was a simple affair, with a small stage rather than one of those crazy stages inspired by TRANSFORMERS. As expected, Leon was all professional charm, meaning he was suave and punctual. At the end of the concert here was a Typhoon Signal number 8 and he practically sprinted off the stage.
“Typhoon warning? Screw the encore - I’m out of here!”
While at the concert, I snapped some pictures. Here’s a good shot of my vantage point:
Once again, Leon Lai is upstaged by cables
And here’s a photo of Leon Lai and special guest Janice Man, who wowed the audience with her red dress if not her actual talent.
The cables are still the most interesting part of this photo
And, finally a cable-free photo:
Leon gives the cheap seats some love
Overall, the concert was enjoyable but a little on the low-energy side. Then again, Leon Lai is not one of those “go all out, bust my ass” performers like Aaron “I almost die in concerts” Kwok. Leon is more of a suave customer or cool cat, which comes off charming at concerts but kind of dull on the big screen.
At least at concerts he’ll do his own stunts:
Is it hot in here or is it just Leon? Oh, it’s the fire.
My favorite song that evening was the wonderfully titled, “I Love You OK”, which is a lyric and song title that confuses me. Does “OK” represent the measurement of Leon’s love? If so, then the poor girl on the receiving end should look for someone who actually loves her more than just “OK”. Saying that you love someone “OK” is like saying that you love someone “somewhat”. Is that what girls are looking for nowadays?
Janice Man is looking for that number on Leon’s left leg
The other reading of the title is “I love you, okay?!?”, which implies that Leon Lai is impatient in declaring his love for his girlfriend. She probably asked for his feelings while he was busy playing BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM for his PlayStation 3, and right before he got the coveted 40-hit Freeflow Combo, she annoyed him by asking “Hey, how do you feel about me?”. Well, if that’s the case - that Leon was going to get another Trophy to show off his leet status on the PlayStation Network, and then was rudely interrupted - then we fully sympathize with his impatience.
Either way, we know the truth: Leon Lai is not much of a boyfriend.
“Don’t bother me when I’m eating fruit, woman!”
Check out the song for yourself. BONUS: the video also features Athena Chu.
By the way, seeing Leon Lai in concert means that I have now seen every single one of the Sky Kings - Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung, Aaron Kwok and Leon Lai - after arriving here in Hong Kong nearly five years ago. This accomplishment brings me ever closer to getting the hell out of Dodge. Seeing all the Sky Kings in concert was one of the biggest things I wanted to accomplish during my stay in Hong Kong, and with that out of the way probably the most glaring thing not yet completed is meeting Ekin Cheng. If I can accomplish that, it may spell the end of LoveHKFilm.com in Hong Kong. Don’t worry, we’ll still review DVDs.
“You’ll still review DVDs? That was NOT what I wanted to hear!”
Nearly through the Far East Film Festival and today was the most important day thus far: laundry day. In an effort to make everyone else’s stay here far more pleasurable, I’m washing my clothes. This is proof that I’m always thinking about other people.
When I did this I could have been watching RULE NUMBER ONE again
The 11th Far East Film Festival is now over half over and unfortunately, the number of new Asian films I’ve seen thus far is rather low. Some highlights:
Completely minor announcement: there will be no “End of 2008″ post on this blog anytime soon, and barring another self-serving edition of Kozo’s Mailbag, I’ll probably be stepping away from this blog for a few more weeks.
Someone is already unhappy about the news:
“Whaddya mean no ‘End of 2008′ post?
What am I supposed to do now?”
NOTE: For this edition of Damn You Kozo, I’m combining a number of topics I was planning on writing separate blog entries about. Due to various reasons it’s been difficult getting anything off the ground, so I figured it was everything or nothing. Sadly, I have too many ideas to list everything, so why don’t we go with just five? Sounds like a plan.
Anyway, let’s get this over with.
Abandoned Blog Entry #1 OBAMA WINS, I CONSIDER MOVING BACK TO THE UNITED STATES
Aaaaaaaad, we’re back. These toys in my living room say “Hi”:
Clearly, my toy collection kicks ass
Anyway, the Hong Kong Asian Film Festival is now over. During that 17-day period I consumed 18 movies, 5 short films, 2 regular theatrical releases and plenty of bad food. Amazingly, I did not get sick, though I do recall nodding off during my screening of 881.
While I’m wasting time between my Italy vacation updates - a trip which, by the way, is now one full month old - I figured I could quickly discuss the progress or lack thereof concerning the site’s review backlog. After all, it’s that and the merciless day job that are keeping me busy. You all want to hear about it, right? It seems that Fiona Sit is interested:
“Hmm, why are those blog updates taking so long, anyway?”
It’s comforting to know that Fiona cares. I’m not too sure about the guy next to her, though.
After Udine, I added up all the films I’d seen and not reviewed, from the Far East Film Festival (FEFF), the Hong Kong International Film Festival (HKIFF), and just regular theatrical release. The number came out to a whopping twenty-five. Factoring out Coffee or Tea, which I mentioned in an earlier HKIFF post, the number dropped to twenty-four.
Now, some fourteen written reviews later, there are only ten left on the list. Of the ten, I have decided to excise three. The reason? I got sleepy while watching those three films, meaning three possible things: A) I may have missed something important while dozing off, B) any confusion I felt may be due to grogginess and not film quality, or C) the movies were boring, thus putting me to sleep because hey, a thrill-a-minute film would definitely have kept me awake.
This is what happens when a movie lacks action
Regardless of the reason for my nodding off, I feel it’s hard to let people know my opinion on a film if I don’t end up catching all of it. It’s not very responsible - though to be honest, I hear that a few Asian Cinema publications were written using this “I saw only half of the film” reviewing technique. I did it once, for a movie called Hong Kong X-File. The shame stays with me today.
I’m not a fan of partial, uninformed opinion. Hell, sometimes I even change my mind after seeing a movie three or four more times. The best example of this is probably Running Out of Time 2. At the time I considered the film to be a disappointment, but I now feel it’s a very fun, entertaining, and smart chase movie - albeit with an overly-arch sense of humor. Also, given Ekin Cheng’s career slide, I now feel like being charitable towards every film he makes.
The main lesson: I’m not always on my “A” game, and reviewing a movie that I partially slept through would be somewhat disingenous. These films deserve an actual viewing while awake and sober - something that will hopefully happen one day if they get released on DVD with English subtitles. If not, I’ll have to be content with the following memories, which I’m sure are wholly innaccurate and probably proof that I should change my profession to professional paint scraper.
Feng Xiaogang disapproves of sleeping at films:
“You! In the front row! Wake up!”
I’ll take his advice, but frankly, the director of The Banquet is in no position to ask his audience to stay awake.
Anyway, here are my mini-impressions of the three films that I fell asleep at. DISCLAIMER: the following mini-reviews are not really reviews, and fully belong in the blog format. That’s because I did minimal research, and made zero attempt to talk about the films or the filmmakers outside of my own instant experience. If I blogged about my dinner or coffee before or after these films, it may actually be appropriate because that’s what blog posts like these are like. Web Film Criticism 2.0: the online version of dinner and a movie.
Film I slept at No. 1: In Love We Trust
Yu Nan wakes up from a nightmare where
she appeared in a megaflop directed by
the Wachowski Brothers
Directed by Wang Xiaoshuai, this Chinese drama proffers up a particularly fun premise: adultery for a good cause! Basically, a divorced couple consider siring a new child to provide an organ transplant for an older one whose illness is fast becoming terminal. Of course, each person has a new partner, who may not go for extramarital action, even if the cause is a good one. Human emotions can be tricky things.
The great things about this film: the screenplay, the acting, and the approach, which sidesteps the Curse of the Asian Tearjerker(TM) and features unspoken realization and complex characterization in place of bile-spewing Oscar clips or egregious displays of weeping. This is a film about decisions, not outcomes, and it deserved to be lauded at the Berlin Film Festival.
I fell asleep when the half-hour setup began to drag. When I woke up, I wasn’t sure which couple I was watching, so I had to reacquaint myself with them on the fly. By the time the plot kicked in, I was hooked, but I do feel that I missed a lot. If I spoke Mandarin, I could solve this issue because there’s an unsubbed DVD available in China. I don’t speak Mandarin, so I am a waste of space.
“I told you not to fall asleep! Why must you make me so upset?!?”
By the way, this film featured small turns by Gao Yuanyuan and Tian Yuan, and stars Yu Nan from Tuya’s Marriage and - get this - Speed Racer! No Rain, however.
Film I slept at No. 2: Your Friends
No, they’re not my friends, they’re your friends
Shojo manga alert! Your Friends tells the could-be-very-sappy story of a disabled girl, her friendship with another girl who has a terminal disease, and her search for the perfect cloud to honor that friend. My description does the film an incredible disservice, however, as Your Friends is actually sensitive, well-made, and quite restrained - though the overt symbolism of the clouds was still a bit much for my sleepy brain cells. Your Friends sounds like a ten-ton weepie requiring about sixty tissues, but thankfully it stays restrained enough to qualify as something a bit more accomplished. I’m sure it would have worked equally as well as a manga, however.
This one put me to sleep immediately because it features lots of shots of clouds and blue skies, and only serves up tinkly music when it’s time to cut to a new segment featuring yet another of “your friends”. This is a flashback-filled tale with many young actors all wearing school uniforms. Not that I couldn’t tell them apart - I could, but after waking up forty minutes into the film, it took me an extra ten to realize that the film had shifted segments on me, and was concentrating on a new girl instead of a previous one, though one of the girls hanging around was the same.
What the above means: there were three young girls featured in the first forty minutes of the film, and not just two, but my nap required me to perform some extra mental gymnastics to realize that we were following one girl’s experience with two different friends, and not just two girls all the time. Director Hiroki Ryuichi made things even more difficult for my sleep-deprived brain because he decided to shoot his film in mostly long shots and long takes, meaning I had to wait an age for the rare close-up to get a good look at anyone. Frankly, the wait was sometimes so long that I was able to take a nap.
For the record: one of the three girls was also in Adrift in Tokyo - which I didn’t fall asleep at. There are also a bunch of boys, including a guy who was in the Nodame Cantabile drama. I’m not using their real names here because I didn’t do any research before writing this blog post - in which case I would have dug up a name or two. Call it me being lazy, but there are many online film reviewers who don’t do the proper research before writing their reviews. A note to those reviewers: we’re all on the same level.
Everyone in this photo has a film-related blog:
“We support Hilary AND we blog about Asian movies!”
I think the lesson here - besides check who’s writing those blogs you frequent - is that responsible journalism is hard to practice, and I’m not a complete saint in that department. Truthfully, Your Friends has plenty of fans, so my sarcastic sleepy-eyed review should be taken with a couple thousand grains of salt. Maybe our actual friends deserve to be insulted, but Your Friends is better served by respectful quotes like “a new wave classic” and “I see my friends in the clouds, too”. It’s better than the damning, “It was okay, but then I fell asleep” judgement that I would probably otherwise make.
Honestly, I will try to see this movie again someday. I’m getting a venti Starbucks beforehand.
Film I slept at No. 3: Ta Pu
If you cheat, they shoot you
The tale of a bunch of overage students taking university entrance exams in rural China, Ta Pu is a film definitely worth watching - but I’ll have to see it again, because this time I completely messed up and fell asleep a total of THREE Times during the film. The first time was about ten minutes after the film started, the second time was when the students were all sitting in a classroom, and the third time someone had already failed the exam and the other students weren’t doing so hot themselves. Not really a commercial film, Ta Pu relates a post-Cultural Revolution time in Chinese history, when all those sent-down laborers got the chance to get out of the sticks and get themselves their long-delayed education. NOTE: a friend told me that info and I remember it - no research required!
The message of the film seemed to be that the best intentions of Chinese youth won’t help them get into University, and lots of everyday, China-specific stuff will get in way of that new-fangled progress thing called an education. Yes, I’ve just insulted a fine motion picture with an insincere synopsis - but that’s what happens when you fall asleep in a movie and struggle to recall exactly what went on. The moral: someone should fire me from this website. The other moral: seeing five movies a day can kill almost anyone, especially a person who doesn’t sleep that much anyway.
The positive is that I stayed awake in Italy long enough to take this photo of Kelly Lin and Lau Ching-Wan:
Her hair is blocking Johnnie To’s profile
The negative: I totally shafted Ta Pu because of my nap attacks, and even though my memory seems to tell me that it was a film worth seeing, I can’t recall enough specifics to piece together why exactly I thought that. Rather than faking it and going for the three-paragraph review, I’ll come clean and admit the truth: I probably saw only 40% of the film in a lucid state, and my impressions are mostly gleamed from a personal fill-in-the-blank exercise involving the fest catalog, a blank notepad, and a diagram meant to describe the character relationships. I never did figure out all the details, but this is what I drew up:
I think it’s a dog
As punishment, I’ll promise to review movies responsibly, honestly, and with more integrity than I did last week. I’ll get started on it right away.
I figured I had to get this thing started sooner or later. I’ve neglected to write about so many things that this blog will soon turn into some sort of 20/20 hindsight memoir. I still haven’t blogged about the Aaron Kwok concert experience - and that was like 4 months ago.
“What, you still haven’t blogged about me?
But I’m just so bloggable!”
You sure are.
Anyway, since I’m now 10 reviews into the 24 movie backlog I’ve amassed - with absolutely no guarantee that I will actually be able to review all 24 films - I figured I should get started with the blogging too. It’s not like I have to get my whole trip out in just one post. Worst case scenario is I only get one part done and I forget the rest. It wouldn’t be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done online. The dumbest thing? Probably admit that I enjoy Seven Swords.
“Thanks! You may be the only person in
Hong Kong who still thinks I can direct!”
Anyway, on to the trip.
I think Hong Kong people primarily take pictures of two things: toys and food. Not to be outdone, I did exactly the same during my trip to Italy. I also took pictures of people and buildings, but I consider that a moot point because we all take pictures of people and buildings. I just didn’t take any photos of myself.
Regardless, this is a rare photo without food or Yotsuba in it.
In Italy, the cars are small
Not too long ago, I managed to journey to Italy for the Udine Far East Film Festival. This photo-essay is pretty much all I brought back, besides a copy of the 10th Anniversary Book and the Festival Catalogue, which features more information about Asian films than I could ever pretend that I know. And I can pretend that I know a lot.
Before I left for Italy, Yotsuba sat on my office desk with a couple of her friends:
Having a plush CJ7 may somehow be more
satisfying than owning the DVD
After we got to Italy, this is what she looked like:
“This canal behind me smells great!”
Yotsuba is a fine toy to bring on trips. Not only is she small and poseable, but she’s got an interchangeable head so you can pretend that she’s experiencing mood swings. It’s like bringing another person along, except this one doesn’t speak or hit you up for money.
Oh, yeah, I went to a film festival. From the outside it looked like this:
Nobody in this photo enjoyed Empress and the Warriors
The fest is located in Udine, a small city about a two-hour train ride from Venice. My photos of Udine are like the one four photos up: empty and quiet. Udine is a peaceful place, and much nicer to walk around in than, say Venice. Just compare these photos:
Udine
Venice
Big difference, eh? I’m not a crowd person, so yes, I much prefer Udine to Venice. So does Yotsuba. When faced with crowds, she gets murderously angry. This is Yotsuba with her unhappy face:
Someone must pay
I went to Venice on the film festival’s Horror Day, so I ended up skipping a whole day of blood and screaming and exchanged them for wall-to-wall tourists and overpriced gelato. One could argue it was exactly the same experience, only with more walking.
Anyway, since I was on vacation, I had gelato at 12:16 pm.
My crappy Swatch is proof of my poor eating habits
I had some nice food in Italy, too - like this insanely huge calzone that ended up counting as 2.5 meals.
I ate this in three bites
Of course when you’re on vacation you have to eat well. I was lucky and got to attend many nice dinners with insane spreads that tripled my calorie count. Like this one:
The reason for my current two-month period of fasting
If I were to rate my trip on the food experience alone, I’d probably give it an A-minus. I won’t give it a solid A because I never give anything a solid A. The film reviews I write are proof of that.
No trip to Italy would be complete without a shot of a gondola in a canal:
Rush hour!
A picture of a dog chained to a wall is required, too:
The black terror of Venice
In the interests of equal time, here’s a cat:
He’s relaxed because the dog is chained up
I also took a picture of one of these:
Vespa!
Plus another one of food:
To clarify possible confusion, I should note
that this picture was taken BEFORE eating.
By the way, the above picture is of wild herb risotto, and it was excellent - though a quick glance may make someone think ”partial digestion”. I shan’t elaborate.
That pretty much wraps up Part One of my Italy trip. Part two will probably talk more about movies and my general impression of the Udine Far East Film Fest. Here’s a spoiler: I enjoyed myself. Unfortunately, none of the enjoyment mentioned in this post has anything to do with Asian film, meaning I’ve broken the #1 rule of LoveHKFilm.com Blogs: stay on topic. The #2 rule is try to blog at least once a week. Looks like I’ve broken that rule, too.
I took more pictures of this toy than I did of myself.
Back from the Far East Film Festival, and already my calendar is jam-packed. Aside from a pile of stuff at work, some social obligations, many loads of laundry, and the potential time-sink of Grand Theft Auto 4, I now have a review backlog totaling 20 MOVIES. That’s 20 films that I could potentially write about, starting with the HK independent movie The Way We Are all the way through Johnnie To’s Sparrow. In between are movies from Japan, Korea, Thailand, Indonesia, and even more Hong Kong. I better get started writing. Right now.
Sadly, I’ll likely write about only 10 of the 20 movies, and leave the others to never, as I’m not sure what my memory capacity is. I didn’t take many notes, and am relying mostly on festival catalogs to refresh my memory. If I find that my impressions of any of the films have faded too far, I’ll have to throw those to the wind. Hopefully Sparrow won’t be one of them.
“LoveHKFilm.com can’t remember my movie?
Yay! That’s one less negative review!”
In any case, this is the other stuff I will do over the next two weeks.
- See Happy Funeral, Barbara Wong’s sequel to Truth or Dare: 6th Floor Rear Flat
- See My Wife is a Gambling Maestro, the new Wong Jing-Nick Cheung epic
- Skip The Forbidden Kingdom, because it’s leaving Hong Kong in a hurry and I know it’ll be on video damn quick. With English subtitles.
- See Besieged City, the Lawrence Lau-directed film that I missed at HKIFF because I was sick.
- Get a haircut.
- Go on a diet to shed some of the 50 pounds of cheese and ham I ingested in Italy.
- Look at the possibility of two more LoveHKFilm Blogs.
- Get coffee with a friend who I put off getting coffee with for over one month.
- Solve one of those pesky content sharing deals I seem to get roped into all the time
- Arrange for the LoveHKFilm Awards Jury Dinner. Hot pot is a possibility.
- Sleep. Maybe.
- Write a review and update this blog.
I may publish a few photos from my trip to Italy, though I must warn people that they’re not very Asian-film related. At the very least, I took this one:
Again, it’s been a while. Chow Pak-Ho wears the message that I wish to share:
I know one person who owns this shirt,
and about seventy-five people who should wear it.
Welcome to your regularly scheduled bi-weekly Damn You, Kozo! blog post. As usual, I’d like to thank Apple Daily for supplying all our photos. Frankly, they’re the greatest newspaper in the history of time EVER.
Kelly Chen’s facial expression shows her appreciation of my sarcasm:
“Do you have to be such a prick?”
On to the actual subject here: Man, I’m beat.
The Hong Kong International Film Festival has finally ended the majority of its program, and I have zero screenings left to attend. I saw some good films and some bad films at the fest. Most will be showing up on LoveHKFilm.com as reviews, but there will likely be a few that I don’t touch. One film in particular I don’t wish to review because I was so unimpressed with it that even writing about it makes me sad. Also, despite the general perception that I’m picky and mean, I find negative opinion tiring and sometimes more damaging than saying nothing at all. So…at least one film won’t get reviewed.
Shawn Yue is down with that:
“Man, that’s awesome! I’ve so got the munchies.”
I also won’t be reviewing another film, Coffee or Tea, until its official theatrical release because the fest screening had a temp music track that I found egregiously overblown. As a result of its completely overwrought music score, my perception of the entire film was probably affected. I would prefer to wait a few months until its finalized before I pass judgment on whether or not I liked it.
Also, I got ill during the fest and missed three films, including a couple I was really looking forward to. Those films were the award-winning Home Song Stories, and quite sadly, the Lawrence Lau duo City Without Baseball and Besieged City. I’ll have to check them out later, but my attempt to be timely has failed miserably.
I did drag myself out of bed those days to check out a few films that I really wanted to see, including Sylvia Chang’s Run Papa Run, but thanks to my lack of complete recovery, I ended up with a five-to-seven day period of sluggishness and discomfort I fondly refer to as “Hell in March”. As a result of the sick days my work fell way behind, my LoveHKFilm.com review writing fell way behind, and this blog - which occupies a lower rung on the importance ladder than everything else in my life - fell totally behind.
So yeah, I’m tired. This is what I look like now:
Permanent ink is a real killjoy
Film Festivals are tiring - and potentially dangerous to my health - but I have to say that I really enjoy them. Prior to coming to Hong Kong, I was never really partial to film fests, but after attending a few here, I’ve changed my mind. I now like film festivals so much, that I simply can’t go a whole month without a new one.
As a result, I’ll be off to another film festival at the end of the week, the Far East Film Festival in Udine, Italy, where I’ll get to see one of Johnnie To’s new PTU television movies, plus The Sparrow, and a bunch of other Asian films that I look forward to checking out. I’m not sure why I’ve decided to go film-fest-o-rama with my life, but hey, that’s where the wind is taking me right now: to Italy, and far away from Hong Kong’s increasingly muggy weather.
As far as LoveHKFilm.com is concerned, all this rampant movie-watching means that I should probably institute a 600-words-or-less limit when writing future reviews because my potential review backlog will likely number twenty or more films. The other option is to turn off that portion of my brain, not review anything, and just act like your average paying audience member. It could make me happier. Like this man:
Andy Lau is thinking of the poor people
who paid to see All About Love.
Also, during my time in Italy, I will be completely unwired. I don’t have a working wi-fi laptop, and I don’t intend to queue for public workstations so it’s entirely possible that I won’t be checking out this site, this blog, or the entire damn Internet for close to a week. Once I return from Italy, I’ll have a whole slew of Hong Kong movies to catch up on reviewing, including the sequel to Barbara Wong’s Truth or Dare, plus the new Wong Jing spectacular My Wife is a Gambling Maestro. There’s also that Jet Li/Jackie Chan debacle movie, The Forbidden Kingdom, to check out.
Considering the above, this may be the only time I update Damn You, Kozo! in April. I would say that’s sad, but anyway, most of the stuff that appears on blogs is extraneous and unnecessary, so we can think of this month as simply “cutting the fat” from this website and the World Wide Web at large. I’m happy to do my part to slim down the Internet. We should get an award for Bandwidth Conservation.
These guys are also enthused:
“We support your decision to conserve bandwidth!
Please stop this website and blog immediately!”
Running LoveHKFilm.com and its associated businesses, subsidiaries, and licensed properties can sometimes be quite a chore. Even when I ignore its main product - film reviews - I’m usually dealing with a related commitment, be it a favor or freelance job acquired through the site, emails in relation to the site, or personal meetings having something to do with the site. Since I now live and work in Hong Kong because of the site, I can now count almost everything I do every day as something having to do with the site. When you put it in those terms, the whole thing can feel slightly alarming.
Back to the main point: I owe LoveHKFilm.com some new reviews soon, which is no big deal because that’s the way the site works. Without new reviews, LoveHKFilm.com would become a shadow of its former self, a 35 year-old statue guarding the lane while speedy guards blow past me for an easy layup. That’s right, just like Shaquille O’Neal.
“I am the greatest! Well…I was about six years ago.”
However, since the inception of Damn You, Kozo! I have gained a new responsibility: I now owe this blog some posts, which is more difficult to handle than I first thought. There are two reasons for this. 1) I have lots of ideas, but lack the time and energy for proper execution, and 2) I have yet to master the art of the short blog post. If I could somehow satisfy myself with a 200-word blog post I’m sure I could become ultra-prolific.
I also seem to enjoy putting lots of pictures on my posts. If I simply broke that habit I’m sure I could double or triple my output.
Then again, how can I resist posting photos like these:
“Edison is so dreamy…except his skin is dull
and fatigued. He should use L’OREAL Hydra
Energetic moisturizing gel cream to hydrate
and reduce his skin’s natural pastiness.
Because he’s worth it.”
Speaking of Daniel Wu’s pitchman abilities, they’ve apparently claimed another victim. Just a week or so ago, I celebrated my latest birthday, and someone - after getting a load of this blog post - saw fit to present me with my own can of L’OREAL Hydra Energetic moisturizing gel cream, so I too can tighten, hydrate, and, uh, anti-dull my skin.
The first step towards meterosexuality
I think the above qualifies as a Sign of the Apocalypse.
My birthday is only the most recent thing that’s eaten up time. There was also an ill-timed bout of sickness, and your usual things such as work, weather, and Sexy Photos Gate, which has been covered respectably by our sister blog, The House Where Words Gather. I commend Sanney’s ability to dissect the issue intelligently and without active bias. I have the ability to do neither, because when I see the Sexy Photos Gate-related photos that Apple Daily has seen fit to unearth, I can’t help but make jokes about them.
By the way, did you know that Edison recently survived an assassination attempt?
The assassin (right) almost got the drop on Edison Chen (center),
but the grey-suited bodyguard (left) intervened quickly,
using his Index Finger of Death (TM) to strike the assassin
in the throat, instantly rendering him mute, unconscious,
and unable to participate in any future karaoke activity.
Apple Daily is a treasure trove of fab celebrity photos. They’ve outdone themselves with their coverage of Sexy Photos Gate, but there are plenty of non-Edison pictures available in their fine daily postings, too. Frankly, I have so many fun photos saved up by now that I have no idea when or how to use them.
Here are a few examples:
Zhang Ziyi’s pink dress also doubles as a personal space protector
Upon meeting, the two Wongs
discovered that their individual
filmographies share many similarities.
Media Asia boss Peter Lam, Johnnie To, Shu Qi, and Miriam Yeung.
There’s a real story behind this photo but it’s more fun
to look at it and make up your own. It can be a contest.
Apple Daily rules.
Anyway, time for some navel gazing.
Lee Hyo-Lee.
Or is it Lee Hyolee or Lee Hyori?
Inconsistent romanization only
makes Google Image Search more difficult.
Fourteen months ago, I started LoveHKFilm.com’s current update schedule, which is known as “Whenever I feel like it.” Originally, that was done to prevent the grind of the two-week update, but it actually caused me to update the site far more than I originally used to. What I discovered was that site updates were not dependent on a fixed time interval or even my mood, but only upon the movies that I see.
Recently, LoveHKFilm.com has gone three weeks without new reviews, which is pretty unusual. That’s all because the movies I’ve seen all fall into one of two categories: A) movies that already have reviews on LoveHKFilm.com and B) movies that shouldn’t be reviewed by LoveHKFilm.com. Here’s what I saw recently:
Movies that already have reviews on LoveHKFilm.com: Blood Brothers (dir. Chang Cheh, 1973) Bullet and Brain (dir. Keung Kwok-Man, 2007)
Movies that shouldn’t be reviewed by LoveHKFilm.com: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (dir. Julian Schnabel, 2007) Sweeney Todd (dir. Tim Burton, 2007) Enchanted (dir. Kevin Lima, 2007) Vantage Point (dir. Pete Travis, 2008)
So to assuage the three people who are wondering why the site has been so quiet, that’s the reason why: because I’m not seeing anything that I need to review. Not to worry; soon Empress and the Warriors, Playboy Cops, Shamo, and Fatal Move will get released, which means I’ll have some new movies to eviscerate review. March also sees the release of L for Love, L for Lies, the new travesty effort from Patrick Kong, auteur of twin terrors delights Marriage with a Fool and Love is Not All Around. It’s going to be a busy month.
However, it’ll also be a busy month for another reason: the Hong Kong International Film Festival. This year marks my fourth year in Hong Kong, but this will be the first year I go insane and check out 21 films at the HKIFF, a number that guarantees to send me straight to hell.
If you’re curious, here’s the lineup:
3/18 Candy Rain (7:15pm)
3/18 Drifting Flowers (9:30pm)
3/20 I Just Didn’t Do It (6:45pm)
3/21 Winds of September - Taiwan (7:15pm)
3/21 Winds of September - China (9:45pm)
3/22 City Without Baseball (6pm)
3/22 Besieged City (9pm)
3/23 Home Song Stories (12:30pm)
3/23 Run Papa Run (6pm)
3/23 A Decade of Love (8:45pm)
3/24 Kabei (3pm)
3/26 In Love We Trust (7:15pm)
3/27 The Way We Are (7:15pm)
3/29 First Born Unicorn (9pm)
3/30 Soul of a Demon (12:30pm)
3/30 Sex is No Laughing Matter (6pm)
4/2 Winds of September - Hong Kong (7:15pm)
4/4 Love is Elsewhere (6pm)
4/6 Coffee or Tea (6pm)
4/12 A Brighter Summer Day (7pm)
4/13 Mahjong (5pm)
All of the above are Asian films without reviews on LoveHKFilm.com. Quite obviously, this means two things:
1) If you want to kick my ass, now you know where I’ll be and when. I couldn’t make this any easier for you.
2) I may have to resort to the “800 words or less per review” rule I instituted during last fall’s Hong Kong Asian Film Festival. Hell, I may do that one better and go for a “600 words or less per review” rule, because there will be regular Hong Kong movies coming out alongside the above 21 movies. Who knows if I’ll survive the experience. If I do, that means more reviews for everyone. If not, that means I’ll have given up and the Internet will have one less self-proclaimed, questionably-qualified film reviewer. I see winners in either eventuality.
Regardless, I look forward to the fest, because seeing movies without expectations is much more enjoyable than seeing a film after being inundated with print and television advertising. Admittedly, I haven’t seen a lot of advertising yet for Playboy Cops, but the poster doesn’t inspire me with much confidence:
They kick ass AND have fun. What could be better?
Managing expectations is the key to enjoying modern cinema. That didn’t help me much at Kung Fu Dunk, but everyone who I’ve talked to about the film enjoyed it a lot more than I did, with some of them actually saying, “After listening to you, I expected the worst, but it wasn’t that bad!” I’ve also had similar responses after lending people my copy of D-War. It could be our new tagline:
Lowering Expectations Since 2002
Anyway, we’ll see if we can handle our March-April workload. If we can, I’d consider it an achievement. In the meantime, I’ll attempt to perfect the art of shorter blog posts, in order to keep this thing going on a semi-weekly to bi-weekly basis. And if worst comes to worst, I’ll just post funny pictures. I have tons of those.
“Dammit, Edison! I told you to exfoliate and hydrate
every other day! Now your skin is oily and improperly
balanced! You’ll never get rid of that shine now!”
