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Archive for the ‘Andy Lau’ Category

Asian guys in Hollywood, or everyone gets to be a ninja

Yay, Asian actors are working in Hollywood! It’s so awesome that Snake Eyes wants to shoot someone.

Snake Eyes

Just a week ago, Korean actor Lee Byung-Hun made his Hollywood debut in G..I JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA. In celebration of Lee Byung-Hun - or LBH as we like to call him in these parts - joining an exclusive club including Ken Watanabe, Hiroyuki Sanada, Chow Yun-Fat, Donnie Yen, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Daniel Henney, Rain and Park Jung-Hoon (You all saw THE TRUTH ABOUT CHARLIE, right?), I’m going to talk about G.I. JOE. Well, Lee Byung-Hun’s part in it anyway.

Jackie Chan supports Lee Byung-Hun:

“This guy makes an awesome ninja!”


Hi and bye, plus another edition of Kozo’s Mailbox

Man, it’s been awhile. And it’ll probably be a lot longer before I write in this thing again because in a few short hours, I’m off to Italy. Again. My toys will miss me:

Carue plus Chopper
Carue and Chopper will guard my Blu-ray collection.

This year is the second year that I’m attending the Far East Film Festival. I get to go because I contributed to their catalog and book, plus I’m fortunate enough to have saved enough money for a plane ticket.  This is a special time of the year because it represents the end of a lot of stuff. The Hong Kong International Film Festival is over. The Hong Kong Film Awards and associated drama is over. The LoveHKFilm Awards and all the related busywork is over. All that’s left is the review writing, which I’ll get to when I get to. That’s what 2009 is about for me: not doing more than I have to.


What’s Up, Ox?

Happy Lunar New Year, everyone!

Rather, Happy Late Lunar New Year. I’m forever getting behind. I’m so behind, in fact, that I’ll post up this celebrity Lunar New Year photo from last year:

“I think this is going to be a good year!”

Yes, this photo was taken before…uh, that thing that happened.


Damn You, Movie News! More Hong Kong movies that geeks don’t care about

Wow, I actually updated this blog four times this month. It’s all because The Golden Rock has been too busy to blog reguarly. Once he returns full time, I will disappear for at least a month.

In case anyone cares, The Golden Rock is busy because of this thing:

China is peaceful
Celebrate the Olympic spirit by letting
one of China’s mascots shoot you

Finally, Hong Kong movies are coming back to local cinemas, and like the gluttons for punishment that we are, will be there.

HK movies have been absent from local cinemas since the June 19th tag-team of City Without Baseball and Sparrow. Sure, there was Red Cliff and Kung Fu Hip-Hop, but neither were really Hong Kong movies. Hong Kong movies are movies starring local idols and character actors, and feature actual Hong Kong locations, Hong Kong-style pacing and wit, and probably some undue metaphor or existentialism. Donnie Yen is a plus, but he’s not a requirement.

Here’s Donnie talking to people who aren’t his mouth-breathing fans:

My eye hurts
“I’m legendary, I tell you! Legendary!
Why won’t you morons believe me?”

Anyway, the seven-week embargo on Hong Kong films finally ended with the release of La Lingerie, which fits all the above requirements except for the one with Donnie Yen. Actual Hong Kong Cinema releases are still quiet throughout August, with only one confirmed release looming its semi-ugly head. It’s Forgive and Forget, the latest from Patrick Kong, the crazy auteur behind L For Love, L For Lies, Love is Not All Around, and Marriage with a Fool.

Forgive and Forget
Scary hair never gets old

The movie stars the recently ubiquitous Andy On and Secret sweetheart Alice Tzeng, who is best described with the Zoolander phrase “She’s so hot right now.” Since it’s directed by Patrick Kong, it’s about relationships, and features melodrama and lots of crying. A twist ending is likely, too. Given the trailer, it also looks like it could be some sort of horror film - which makes it a wonder that the geek websites aren’t talking it up. Who knows, maybe it’ll be good enough for Tartan’s Asia Extreme line - that is, if Tartan were still around to have one.

You can check out the trailer here.

Patrick Kong isn’t through yet this year. It looks like he may have another film out, making it three for 2008. If so, that makes Patrick Kong the new Johnnie To - at least, as far as his output is concerned. Sadly, I just said that Patrick Kong is “the new Johnnie To”. I fully expect my quote to be taken out of context and placed on an Australian DVD release of Forgive and Forget. Of course, by then it’ll be retitled Bloody Twins or Follicles of Death or something like that. They’ll think of something.

Sadly, that’s the only Hong Kong film that I am certain will be released in August. There was some indication that Rebellion, the latest Herman Yau film starring Shawn “I appear in everything” Yue and Elanne “I will soon appear in everything” Kong, would also debut in August. However, that is, as yet, unconfirmed. At least, it’s been hard for me to confirm, what with my inability to read Chinese. Four years here and I can’t even ride the bus properly. It’s just sad.

Here’s Herman Yau leading a toast honoring Hong Kong film’s continuing survival:

“Yes! Hong Kong Cinema survives for one more day!”

If you need your Herman Yau fix now, there’s another option: pick up a copy of Chaos, which came out directly on DVD only a few days ago. I can’t tell you anything about this movie because I haven’t seen it, nor have I heard much about it. It stars former LoveHKFilm Award Winner Andrew Lin, plus Gordon Lam, Crystal Tin, and Charmaine Fong. It looks vaguely related to gangs and violence so we’ll watch it even if it’s a direct to DVD release. We would be insulting our geek credentials if we skipped a Hong Kong movie with gangs or violence. Hopefully it’ll be extreme.

Who knew about this film?

Also coming to DVD at the same time is Fate, one of those long-delayed Fortune Star HD films produced by Andrew Lau. Directed by Raymond Yip, who recently co-directed the Award-winning Warlords, the film stars Miki Yeung, Alan Kuo, and maybe one other guy whose name I can’t remember. This is a film that has been on the Fortune Star website since sometime in 2006, so who knows if it’s good or not?

I knew about this film,
but was not particularly looking forward to it

I’ll see it anyway because, well, it’s a Hong Kong movie, and as everyone knows, this site reviews Hong Kong movies. We do review films from other countries, but only because we have to feed the beast that is our Alexa ranking. That may not be enough motivation one day. Privately, I wonder when the site will have to shut down completely because there are no more Hong Kong films. Alternately, we could change our name to If China really does instruct it, I’ll gladly comply because it’s the legal and reasonable thing to do. The AK-47 pointed at my head will also help in my decision making.

Nobody here
In 2012, this will be Kozo in a Hong Kong cinema

That’s it for this installment of Damn You, Movie News. Next time I’ll dish about movies coming to cinemas in September - a group which includes new flicks with Louis Koo, Ekin Cheng, Sammi Cheng (maybe, not clear on this yet), and - wait for it - DONNIE YEN! Hong Kong Cinema will surely be back then.

In the meantime, please watch the Olympics. Really, there’s stuff there you should definitely see, like that Michael Phelps guy. Also, where else can you see a fifty foot-tall Andy Lau? I’m thinking he did this to himself to make it easier to play to the cheap seats.

Andy is huge
“I went Goliath for my fans!”

As long as Andy Lau is alive, Hong Kong film will never die.

Bye-Bye, HKIFF. Hello, Far East Film.

Again, it’s been a while. Chow Pak-Ho wears the message that I wish to share:

Sorry I’m Late
I know one person who owns this shirt,
and about seventy-five people who should wear it.

Welcome to your regularly scheduled bi-weekly Damn You, Kozo! blog post. As usual, I’d like to thank Apple Daily for supplying all our photos. Frankly, they’re the greatest newspaper in the history of time EVER.

Kelly Chen’s facial expression shows her appreciation of my sarcasm:

Kelly in armor again
“Do you have to be such a prick?”

On to the actual subject here: Man, I’m beat.

The Hong Kong International Film Festival has finally ended the majority of its program, and I have zero screenings left to attend. I saw some good films and some bad films at the fest. Most will be showing up on as reviews, but there will likely be a few that I don’t touch. One film in particular I don’t wish to review because I was so unimpressed with it that even writing about it makes me sad. Also, despite the general perception that I’m picky and mean, I find negative opinion tiring and sometimes more damaging than saying nothing at all. So…at least one film won’t get reviewed.

Shawn Yue is down with that:

Shawn Yue
“Man, that’s awesome! I’ve so got the munchies.”

I also won’t be reviewing another film, Coffee or Tea, until its official theatrical release because the fest screening had a temp music track that I found egregiously overblown. As a result of its completely overwrought music score, my perception of the entire film was probably affected. I would prefer to wait a few months until its finalized before I pass judgment on whether or not I liked it.

Also, I got ill during the fest and missed three films, including a couple I was really looking forward to. Those films were the award-winning Home Song Stories, and quite sadly, the Lawrence Lau duo City Without Baseball and Besieged City. I’ll have to check them out later, but my attempt to be timely has failed miserably.

I did drag myself out of bed those days to check out a few films that I really wanted to see, including Sylvia Chang’s Run Papa Run, but thanks to my lack of complete recovery, I ended up with a five-to-seven day period of sluggishness and discomfort I fondly refer to as “Hell in March”. As a result of the sick days my work fell way behind, my review writing fell way behind, and this blog - which occupies a lower rung on the importance ladder than everything else in my life - fell totally behind.

So yeah, I’m tired. This is what I look like now:

Cute Baby
Permanent ink is a real killjoy

Film Festivals are tiring - and potentially dangerous to my health - but I have to say that I really enjoy them. Prior to coming to Hong Kong, I was never really partial to film fests, but after attending a few here, I’ve changed my mind. I now like film festivals so much, that I simply can’t go a whole month without a new one.

As a result, I’ll be off to another film festival at the end of the week, the Far East Film Festival in Udine, Italy, where I’ll get to see one of Johnnie To’s new PTU television movies, plus The Sparrow, and a bunch of other Asian films that I look forward to checking out. I’m not sure why I’ve decided to go film-fest-o-rama with my life, but hey, that’s where the wind is taking me right now: to Italy, and far away from Hong Kong’s increasingly muggy weather.

As far as is concerned, all this rampant movie-watching means that I should probably institute a 600-words-or-less limit when writing future reviews because my potential review backlog will likely number twenty or more films. The other option is to turn off that portion of my brain, not review anything, and just act like your average paying audience member. It could make me happier. Like this man:

Andy Lau laughs
Andy Lau is thinking of the poor people
who paid to see All About Love.

Also, during my time in Italy, I will be completely unwired. I don’t have a working wi-fi laptop, and I don’t intend to queue for public workstations so it’s entirely possible that I won’t be checking out this site, this blog, or the entire damn Internet for close to a week. Once I return from Italy, I’ll have a whole slew of Hong Kong movies to catch up on reviewing, including the sequel to Barbara Wong’s Truth or Dare, plus the new Wong Jing spectacular My Wife is a Gambling Maestro. There’s also that Jet Li/Jackie Chan debacle movie, The Forbidden Kingdom, to check out.

Considering the above, this may be the only time I update Damn You, Kozo! in April. I would say that’s sad, but anyway, most of the stuff that appears on blogs is extraneous and unnecessary, so we can think of this month as simply “cutting the fat” from this website and the World Wide Web at large. I’m happy to do my part to slim down the Internet. We should get an award for Bandwidth Conservation.

These guys are also enthused:

Ekin and Leon
“We support your decision to conserve bandwidth!
Please stop this website and blog immediately!”

No problem. I’ll get right on it.

Two down, two to go…plus a couple of holidays and other random crap

Happy Lunar New Year!

You should see their other photos
Former softcore pin-up girl with current hardcore pin-up guy

Oh wait, the above photo has THAT GUY in it! You know, the one who’s at the center of Hong Kong’s bizarre media circus that needs its own Wong Jing parody film. Frankly, the “thing involving the pictures that resemble people who’ve worked with Charlene Choi” is all anyone can talk about over here. I would add to the constant buzzing in your ears, but it’s still not over and it seems that I change my mind about it every single day. Maybe I’ll say something afterwards.

A week or so ago, I said I wouldn’t make fun of it because it involved criminal activity and frankly, I was tired of the media coverage. I’m still tired of it, but now the whole thing has escalated to the point where I have to make fun of it simply because it’s the only way I can deal with the constant barrage of news and gossip related to He Who Shall Not Be Named.

No, not Voldemort. I’m talking about this guy again.

He’s livin’ large.
“I’m a good person!”

Um…no, you’re not.

At this point, everyone will come out of this debacle looking bad, including the participants, the victims, the media, the police, and the overexcited and frankly overjudgmental public. I’d give everyone a giant raspberry, but it’s so cold that I feel drained of the required energy to complete such an action. Instead, I’m providing this picture to illustrate how I see the entire mess:

I’m betting on the kangaroo.

Sudden subject change: some weeks ago, I blogged briefly about my Andy Lau concert experience. Basically, it consisted of me marveling at the man’s endless energy, willingness to put himself in danger, and his unparalleled pitchman abilities. The concert was fun, because Andy Lau was Andy Lau. Accept no substitutes.

You won’t find any pictures of me!
“Thanks, Kozo!”

However, Andy Lau’s concert was only the second I’ve attended in my three years since moving to Hong Kong. The first one was Sammi Cheng’s back in May. Actually, I’ve seen her in concert twice before in the states, so basically this latest Sammi concert I attended was just like old home week. The fact that Sammi and I have both aged adds to the metaphor.

I actually wrote a Life with Kozo column about my Sammi Cheng Hong Kong concert experience back in May 2007, but it never saw print because I never got around to posting it. It’s buried somewhere on my hard drive along with some, uh, pictures I don’t want anyone to see.

Ed the Player
These pants no longer contain any mysteries

Thankfully, I attended my third concert just recently. I lucked into a ticket to one of Jacky Cheung’s remaining concerts here in Hong Kong. Here are some shots from Yahoo HK:

Jacky Cheung sings
“This one’s for you people in the crappy seats!”

Jacky and two others
Only Jacky is allowed to wear a jacket.


Jacky said during the concert that the dancers were all masked in order to make him look better. Personally speaking, I don’t think Jacky is all that bad looking, though someone I once knew had him classified in the “ugly guy, good singer” category, the implication being that there’s a category called “pretty guy, bad singer.” You can figure out who goes into that category yourself.

But I enjoyed Jacky’s concert a bit more than Andy Lau’s, to be honest. Andy is pure entertainment, but as a singer, Jacky clearly wins. Also, I sat in the cheap seats so I had no choice but to appreciate Jacky for his vocal range and ability to act effeminate without ever threatening his manhood. The man is multi-talented.

A sample of my perspective that evening:

Where I sat
The lightsabers were free

Sadly, Jacky did not have a guest performer - which really sucked because I was expecting something like this:

Jacky and Jacky 2
The number of people in this photo also attended Nick Cheung’s last concert

Now that I’ve seen Jacky Cheung, I’ve officially attended concerts for two of the Sky Kings. That’s two down, and two to go. Who are the remaining two? Well, there’s this guy:

Leon drinking
He’s been at this all morning

And this guy:

Aaron and pal
Aaron Kwok and a, uh, Golden Horse

I’m actually betting that Mr. Golden Horse will be the next one I see. After all, Aaron Kwok does have a concert going on right now in Hong Kong. Maybe I’ll luck into some tickets, and hopefully he won’t wear something like this:

Greatest Photo Ever
Insert your own caption here

By the way, we just had Valentine’s Day here in Hong Kong. Two years ago on Valentine’s Day, I went and hung out with a friend - who we’ll call Mr. G - in Lan Kwai Fong. We went to a party attended by other single people who had no Valentine’s Day dates. I actually didn’t want to go, but I went as his wingman. I still paid for my own drinks.

The highlight of the evening came when he introduced me to a pretty girl who worked in Central. Mr. G said to her, “This guy runs a famous website! It’s all about Hong Kong movies!”

“Really,” she said. “About Hong Kong movies?”

“Yep,” was my reply. My beer was warm.

She arched an eyebrow. “But Hong Kong movies are shit.”

Kenichi Matsuyama will tell you how I felt:

You suck!
“You suck, Kozo.”

Being single is tough.

A final dating tip for all the guys. If you want to do well with the ladies, you need one of these:

Edison’s Tool of choice

Just learn how to repair it yourself.

Photo credits: Yahoo HK, Apple Daily, a borrowed digital camera, and my hard drive.

Damn You, Movie News! Thank you HK Media, for ruining CJ7.

Because I still can’t finish yet another edition of Kozo’s Shopping Cart of Crap - it keeps ballooning because I keep buying more DVDs - I’m going to start yet another feature on this blog. It’s a Movie News Roundup, affectionately called “Damn You, Movie News!” But since everything is in newsbite form, we can also call it News Bullets of LoveHKFilm. We even have a mascot for the occasion:

Leon Lai feels the burn
Run, Leon, Run!

Note that this new feature will not take the place of the movie news that you can find on such fun sites as The Golden Rock or Kaiju Shakedown. I have neither the time nor language ability to effectively deliver news like those other sites, and some is probably so late as to be bothersome. Hell, this may be the only time I attempt such a feature.

Also, most of this news here is second or third hand, i.e. people tell me about it in passing and whatever I recall gets typed up here. What that means is that it’s practically all hearsay and should not necessarily be considered accurate. In this way, I’m not unlike many other members of the media.

CJ7 premieres!

CJ7 Premiere
Who in this picture looks the most unhappy?

Stephen Chow’s CJ7 just had its premiere here in Hong Kong, and reporters are all abuzz about the supposed frosty relationship between Stephen Chow and his new find, Kitty Zhang Yuqi. She’s the most comely female in the picture above. To better understand why Stephen Chow cast her, there’s this photo:

Kitty Zhang Yuqi
Stephen Chow has an undeniable eye for, uh, talent

What they’re saying is that she’s misbehaving and that Chow is blocking her from further opportunities, including a supposed Hollywood role in that rumored Will Smith-produced remake of The Karate Kid. At the premiere, the two reportedly never spoke or even exchanged eye contact. She was also late to the premiere and completely skipped an earlier promotion because she wasn’t feeling well.

If people recall, Zhang made headlines a while back when she went and got eyelid surgery during the filming of CJ7, causing potential continuity problems for the film, and understandably pissing Stephen Chow off to no end. Previously, Chow has had publicized issues with two more of his “discoveries”, Eva Huang Shengyi and Cecilia Cheung, though the latter was handled somewhat amicably - which was why Cheung ended up having a cameo in Shaolin Soccer. What this has to do with the current rumored Chow-Zhang rift is something that one can only speculate on. Go ahead and give it a try.

Possibly more frustrating to the average “who cares about gossip” moviegoer is the fact that numerous Hong Kong dailies, including the Apple Daily, Oriental Daily, and Orisun, revealed spoilers or the end of the film in their online and print stories. In the case of the Apple Daily, the ending was revealed in the story headline. The others were kind and either put the spoilers in the body of the story, or the sub headlines. This occurred in periodicals dated January 25th, 2008. That’s a full six days before the film’s release.

As a result of the above, the Hong Kong Media wins our Supreme Bonehead Award, which is reserved for those who ruin it for EVERYONE. Nice job, Hong Kong media! It’s days like today when the inability to read Chinese is a blessing.

By the way, I did hear that Kitty Zhang gave away the ending much earlier in Mainland interviews. She rocks!

This guy rocks, too:

Edison and Stephen
“One day, I will leave this boy everything I own.”


CJ7 merchandising blitz!

Yep, now for an extra $19 Hong Kong dollars at Kentucky Fried Chicken, you can own your very own CJ7 plush toy with attached Fai Chun, or a new year blessing or wish.

I bought this
I own lots of crap.

This particular one has carries the wish, “Girlfriend won’t change to Yu Fa.”

In case you’re wondering, this is Yu Fa:


Tsui Hark announces new film, abandons a dozen others

It seems like Tsui Hark gets attached to a new movie every other week (Like The Eye 3 - will he ever make that?), but the other day, he held a press conference to talk about his new film, which may or may not be a retooling of his classic Peking Opera Blues. Here’s Tsui with his actresses at the event.

Tsui Hark picks up three women
“We’ve just hit our third bar tonight!”

For the record, the actresses are - yes, it’s her again - Kitty Zhang (in the fab platinum wig) , Zhou Xun and Guey Lun-Mei from Jay Chou’s Secret. The combo is certainly attractive from a male heterosexual perspective, but the released images are bizarre-looking, to say the least:

My guess on the English language title is Tsui Hark’s Powerpuff Girls.

Pink and Dangerous
I think Guey Lun-Mei is playing Blossom.

Tsui Hark’s 21st century track record doesn’t really inspire confidence, so it’s understandable if this new film is greeted with a collective raised eyebrow. I actually enjoyed Time and Tide and even Seven Swords. However, Black Mask 2 and The Legend of Zu were under whelming, to say the least.

But, as is the case with everything, it’s all in the eye of the beholder. There are some people who swear that The Legend of Zu is a masterpiece. I got an email once from someone who said, “You sir, are an idiot,” because I said in my review that The Legend of Zu was confusing and “like swimming in cement.” It was only my opinion, but this person was bothered enough to write in to ask me what the hell was up. Obviously I was heartbroken and went and amended my review right away.

And obviously, Stephen Chow hasn’t blocked Kitty Zhang from making this film, so, uh, I have no idea what the real story is there.

Yumiko Cheng stars in movie that most people probably don’t care about

Here’s a movie that I bet the movie geek websites are not talking about. Walking wardrobe malfunction Yumiko Cheng is starring in Yet Another Youth Film (NOTE: not actual film title) with Yan Ng, some guy, singer Jason Chan, some other girl, and a few other people. I predict many film careers will start and end with this movie.

A bunch of people I don’t know
A minute after this photo was taken, Yumiko Cheng’s top fell off

Here’s Yumiko attending the start-of-shoot ceremony. Her reaction to the ceremonial cutting of the roast pork is odd, to say the least:

Yumiko and pork
“Ooo, he’s cutting off the head! Yay!”


Ekin Cheng stars in new film, almost hits pedestrians with car

Ekin Cheng is making a new movie! This is so exciting that I’ve decided to extend the lifespan of so we can at least review it:

Ekin Cheng renews his license
“Hey, you’re that guy from Anna in Kung-fu land! That sucked!”

Ekin stars with Karena Lam in this romance, which marks the directorial debut of Ivy Ho, better known as the screenwriter of Comrades, Almost a Love Story and July Rhapsody. Ho also wrote Divergence and Linger, but our memory is selective and we can’t quite recall what happened in those films. Or, we don’t wish to.

Anyway, when shooting the above scene, Cheng accidentally put the car in reverse, annoying the locals with his lousy driving skills. So, besides his acting and his Mandarin, Cheng’s driving is also below par. On the other hand, this is the fourth time he’s co-starred with Karena Lam, so he’s obviously way superior to anyone here.

Damn you, Ekin Cheng!

Ekin Cheng and Karena Lam
“Look Karena, it’s that silly Kozo person. Let’s laugh at him together.”


Sammi Cheng returns from Everlasting Regret exile to make new film

Also on the movie rebound is Sammi Cheng, who teams with Eason Chan for a comedy in which she plays a police inspector.

Cheng waiting in the van:

Sammi Cheng checks her makeup
Sammi Cheng mistakes the window for a mirror

The good news is that Sammi Cheng has finally chosen to return to Hong Kong film, and is doing a commercially-viable audience film rather than an award-baiting arthouse picture. In even more good news, the film is being directed by Alan Mak and Felix Chong, who made the underrated Moonlight in Tokyo and had something to do with those Infernal Affairs movies.

I’m not sure what the bad news is, but I’m sure the HK media will come up with something.

Wong Jing casts TVB starlet Fala Chen in new film

Making her screen debut in a new film is Fala Chen, who will be working with Simon Yam and Wong Jing on some unknown motion picture that will probably be better than Beauty and the Seven Beasts and worse than Colour of the Truth.

Fala Chen right before she shot the stuntman
Hopefully, this is also her last film with Wong Jing.

In a coincidence, Fala Chen will also be playing a police inspector, though she’s obviously much younger and has arguably greater marketing upside than Sammi Cheng does. Who is Fala Chen, you ask? She was once crowned Miss Asia America, and is one of TVB’s rising starlets.

She’s better known around Hong Kong for appearing in dramas like this:

Sunburn is bad

Plus posing for photos like this:

More Fala Chen

We call this fan service.

Francis Ng suffers for art, sports bad hair in film

Finally, in our upcoming movie file there’s this new film, starring Francis Ng and Taiwan star Terri Kwan:

Electroshock therapy is bad
“I had electroshock therapy yesterday.”

Eric Tsang is producing this thriller, which is about a hitman and a prostitute. I’m sure everyone is excited now. What I’m most excited about is Francis Ng’s hair, which may be more entertaining than the film, and could go down in the pantheon of Crappy Hair Hong Kong movies. Ng is a veteran of crappy hair anyway. Who can forget him in The White Dragon:

Wilson Yip’s best film
Not the new Star Trek movie.

Producer Eric Tsang is also a Crappy Hair Veteran. Check him out in A Wondrous Bet:

Eric Tsang flirts with unintentional laughter
“It’s not alive, so stop speaking to it.”

Not to mention The Pye Dog:

Eric in Pye-Dog
“It’s also a mop.”

While we’re discussing Crappy Hair, the stars of Tsui Hark’s new film look a little extreme:

Kitty Zhang and Guey Lun-Mei share hair tips
Pop quiz: Stephen Chow is unhappy with which girl?

But can their bad hair really top this trio?

My Shampoo is stronger than yours
How can they fight without depth perception?

And hey, who can forget this spectacular ‘do?

Glasses make the man
“It’s me again!”

Andy Lau refuses to be left out!

Andy Lau wants you to be quiet
“Rule #1: Nobody talks about Fight Club.”

However, to me the greatest Crappy Hair Movie of all time is none other than Future Cops:

Our hair will save the world

The real Dragonball movie

Jacky Cheung
I bought a DVD of this film just for these screen captures

Why I fixate on movie hair is unknown, but that’s the way it goes. Bad hair and bad outfits are always easy to pick on because, well, they’re bad. It’s the same reason that we can’t stop talking about Wong Jing movies or D-War. Besides, hairstyles are fun.

But we’re out of news. Here’s one more picture from the CJ7 premiere:

CJ7: It’s really a horror film.

Damn You, 2007! The (late) end of the year post.

Happy New Year! At least, that’s what my parents taught me to say around this time of year. My version would be: it’s time for our customary New Year post, where I recap my 2007 and look forward to my 2008. I’m sure everyone is really excited.

Normally, I would drone on and on, but I’ll try to keep it short, because that’s how people like it. Especially Anthony Wong.

Blog Cop Anthony Wong
I will never grow tired of this photo

So here’s my 2007 in bullet points:
- finished 5 years online, but I did nothing to celebrate.
- The site had an official meeting with Hong Kong entertainment personality Andrew Lin.
- I stopped bi-weekly updates, and yet ended up updating even more. Nobody noticed.
- published 160 reviews. I think that’s a lot.
- The site passed the 1500 review mark. I also think that’s a lot.
- Added 3 blogs: The Golden Rock, The House Where Words Gather, and this one. So far, nobody has complained.
- Life with Kozo died. Amazingly, some people did notice.
- The site’s Alexa ranking improved. Whoop-de-damn-do.
- The site’s Google Page rankings dropped. Which leads to…
- The site’s traffic fell in November and December. I blame the drop on IMDB and Wikipedia, the two sites that leapfrogged in virtually every Google ranking. There were also others, but listing them would take too much time.
- I updated the polls less frequently. Nobody noticed.
- I got a new computer that doesn’t overheat. This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to this site.
- I saw Wong Jing in a shopping mall. He ran.
- I renewed the domain name for 9 more years. That means when it finally expires, I’ll be in the midst of a serious mid-life crisis.
- I continued to write way too much about subjects that don’t require it.

Here’s what I’d like to do in 2008:
- Publish at least 150 film reviews. Attempt to write at least 50 of those.
- Figure out what to do with this blog. If I can’t figure it out, mothball it and come up with something else.
- Find a way to shorten my reviews, if only to satisfy the silent majority who only read the first paragraph, the last paragraph, and look at the pictures.
- Actually work on improving my writing, if only to satisfy myself. I’m guessing nobody will notice.
- Maybe meet a second Hong Kong Entertainment personality. I’m guessing another member of Alive. I’m also guessing probably not Daniel Wu.
- To throw something at Wong Jing if I see him this year. I bought multiple copies of Cop Shop Babes for this reason only.
- To bring back the April Fool’s Edition. Maybe Ekin will run again for President.
- Be less concerned over the site’s Alexa ranking. Really, does Alexa actually mean anything?
- Get back to work on that revamp. I’m predicting it’ll be done by 2012.
- Sleep more.

Plus, I’d like to make an earnest attempt at reviewing this film:

Kung Fu Dunk
To make this film, they placed the rim seven feet off the ground.

More than anything, I’d like to somehow find the determination to keep the whole machine running - and by that, I’m talking about everything, including my job, my social life, my minor hobbies, this blog,, and the Democratic party. Already things seem to be stacking up. Lots of movies are coming out, my job responsibilities won’t be changing much, I have a zillion ideas for blog entries, and there’s going to be an election. I’m hoping to get 2 hours of sleep per night.

Still, I’ll do my best. I will draw strength from from the determined expression of Baby Matthew:

I’m cute and angry!
When I face challenges, I make this face too.

On another note, I spent my New Year checking out Andy Lau in concert. Here are some pictures from my seat. They’re small.

Andy and a bunch of dancers
Andy Lau misplaced his shirt before the concert.

Andy sitting down
Andy sits in support of the Writer’s Guild of America

Andy Lau doing his own stunts
Andy sings while piloting a Segway.

The event was important to me because I finally got to see a concert with one of the Heavenly Kings (Andy, Jacky, Aaron and Leon, and not those boys from Alive), meaning I now have only 3 more to go to complete the series. Sadly, I missed both Aaron’s and Jacky’s concerts. I haven’t missed Leon, but something tells me I would if it happened. It may never be.

Seeing Andy Lau is a trip. I don’t think there is a Hong Kong entertainment personality who works harder at pleasing his fans than Andy Lau. Not only does the guy perform for nearly 3 hours without a break (No guest singer!), but he performs from great heights, runs around like a madman, does all his own stunts, and even gives himself shock therapy during the concert!

Shocking Andy
Andy Lau uses Force Lightning on his back-up dancers.

Honestly, after seeing him in concert, I now have a deeper respect for the man, his tireless work ethic, and his amazingly sharp features. Way to go, Andy!

I still won’t buy a CYMA watch though.

So sexy
“What about some bottled green tea?
My bare chest says you must buy some tea!”


Andy and flowers
“Come on! Please?”


Andy works out
“Look, I’ll do some push-ups on this bar! Buy a green tea!”

Okay fine, Andy. You win. I’ll buy a case of your green tea, and I’ll also buy your new album, too! Happy now?

Happy Andy
“Yes! Still got it!”

There’s just no refusing Andy Lau. From now on, we’re going to run his tea ads for free.

buygreentea buygreentea buygreentea buygreentea
Buy some tea. It’ll make your whites whiter.

Note: Some photos of Andy Lau in concert taken from

More fun with wax

I still have no idea what to do with this blog…so here’s some more wax people to look at. It could be all that we do around here.

In our last blog entry, we mentioned that Andy Lau is the most-harassed wax figure at Madame Tussauds, meaning more people want to touch him than Michelle Yeoh, Yao Ming, Bruce Lee, Lee Ka-Sing and Hitler. But what happens to the other wax figures when nobody’s looking?

Are people harassing one or perhaps both of the Wax Twins?

Better than Twins Mission
Better than any scene
in Twins Mission

Does Janice harass herself?

Two is not necessarily better than one
And what exactly has Janice
done to get her own wax figure?

Is Wax Jackie jealous of Wax Andy?

Even his wax dummy gets some action
“I refuse to be harassed less than Andy Lau.”

Does Cecilia Cheung get angry that Wax Nic gets harassed?

Cecila won’t like this
After Cecilia found out, she arranged
for both this girl’s arms to be broken.

None of the above celebs can hold a candle to Wax Andy’s popularity, which may say a lot about how much people actually like the real Andy Lau. Honestly, Andy Lau deserves his massive popularity; he works very, very hard at being Hong Kong’s top entertainer, and even works when he doesn’t have to.

For example, I took this picture of a friend with Andy Lau while he was bowling a fine game in Tai Kok Tsui:

“Pretend you like him, Andy.”
“I’m kicking ass on the lanes today!
…yeah, I’ll pose for a photo with you.”

The man takes both his bowling and his fans seriously, and never seems given to fits of pique or celebrity attitude. He’s Andy Lau 24/7 - a duty we lesser mortals could probably never handle. After taking the above photo, I declined to have my own picture taken with Andy Lau because he had enough adoring fans looking for photo ops and autographs. Somehow I didn’t feel the need to bother him while he was attempting a seven-ten split. Better to let him enjoy his time on the lanes without yet another fan wanting a piece of him.

Besides, I panned All About Love, and constantly make fun of his CYMA watch ads, so I would feel embarrassed about meeting Andy Lau.

“Don’t touch my wax brother!”
“Buy a CYMA watch! Go on, buy one!”

Meanwhile, a fan just stole Wax Andy’s CYMA watch, which is why he’s got his hand in his pocket.

Wax Andy on a good day
“The fan also stole my hand.”

Poor Wax Andy.

Andy Lau a victim of sexual harassment. Sort of.

While I’m on vacation in Los Angeles and trying to figure out what to do with this new blog, here’s some fun and rather disurbing news from Hong Kong. It’s now two weeks old, but like everything else around here, our ability to report - or skewer - news is rather slow.

As reported by (via Yahoo! Hong Kong), Andy Lau has been sexually harassed for years. The perpetrators: tourists who visit Hong Kong to feel up his fake body at Madame Tussaud’s House of Embalmed Corpses, er, Wax Museum. Apparently, visitors have been getting a mite too close to the Infernal Affairs-themed Andy doll in order to touch, nibble, or finger various parts of his fake body.

The Andy Lau Sandwich
Too much sexual harassment can mummify you. 

There have also been reports of visitors unzipping his pants, or even reaching into them - hopefully because they’re professionals paid to check out the quality of the wax. Regardless of these individuals’ skills at wax Q.C., workers at the museum state that they have to check the statue at the end of each day to see if Wax Andy is still in one piece. Physically, that is. Psychologically, there may be no hope for Wax Andy, or for real Andy once he gets a load of his wax twin’s adventures.

A look at some of the damage to Wax Andy:

Someone nibbled this too hard
Superglue would probably help.

And how did this happen?

A stapler may fix this
This nose can tell stories that
would shock and disturb you.

2R recently made their own close inspection of Wax Andy and came up with this evaluation:

2R expect more from their men

Andy Lau’s reaction:

“Don’t touch my wax brother!”
“I call shenanigans! It’s not supposed to be anatomically correct!”

Note: everything except for Andy Lau’s reaction and the bit with 2R is totally true. Maybe next time I’ll come up with a real blog entry. Copyright © 2002-2021 Ross Chen